I'll Be Glued Tomorrow to the MJ Memorial Service

I don't know why for sure, but I'm still mostly in denial about Michael Jackson being gone. It's just too sad to think that he got through his whole life with so little happiness to show for it, other than his three children...

I'm ticked off that part of his legacy will reflect scandal... a scandal of which he was acquitted. (And paying off the earlier claimant was not an acknowledgment of guilt, it was simply getting the story to go away so he could resume his life. It's easier, faster, and a whole lot cheaper career-wise for a celebrity than is going to court to prove innocence -- as he did the second time -- as long as you have the money to do it.)
In fact, it has been documented that he wanted to fight the first charge, but his insurance company insisted that he settle. It never sat right with him that he should allow his reputation to be scandalized for the sake of expediency or a quick disappearance of a false claim against him.

I know most people think of guys as always horny, but one in five has almost no sex drive, and I think Michael was probably among those folks. (People who love/enjoy/seek sexual pleasure can't imagine why everyone else doesn't. Those who don't wonder why anyone else does.) I know people who knew him well and, without exception, all felt he was one of the sweetest, kindest and most loving individuals they had ever met. I'm going to continue to think that way about him.

I think his explanation to Martin Bashir in Living With Michael Jackson about having slumber parties with kids is reasonable, given the fact that he was denied a childhood altogether and given his desire to be "like Peter Pan" and never grow up. (It was still a very unwise thing to do, given the earlier claim against him, but no one ever accused Michael of being a rocket scientist in the common sense department; in fact, quite the opposite!)

I also understand why he said that he loved kids and animals most: because they told him the truth; they were honest with him. And they didn't expect anything from him except his love and his time. He surely didn't know who else he could trust, especially after the two scandals, during which kids brought claims against him (prompted by relatives who smelled money, most likely).

So tomorrow at 10 my time I'm going to try to find a way to say goodbye. Again, I was not a huge fan.. but I was always on his side," hoping for the best, wishing him some semblance of a normal life and a modicum of peace despite his horrendous upbringing.

His father seems terribly twisted, and based on Michael's recollections of his upbringing and the many beatings (some of which his mother feared he wouldn't survive), it's not hard to understand why Michael had issues...

It's just a very, very sad story and I hate unhappy endings.

I pray that he's at peace now. It's overdue by about 50 years.

From Neverland to Foreverland:
RIP Michael Jackson
by Kristine M Smith

*
You never had a childhood
But still you learned to dance
You never joined a playground
But still you took a chance.

*
You always did your finest
You wore yourself plumb out
Your skill was beyond description
No one was left in doubt.

*
And when we wonder why you did
The freaky things you did
We shake our heads, our breath in sighs --
We know it was your "kid."

*
The one who just would not grow up
To get serious and sad
And yet, and yet, we wonder still
Was it sadness that you hid?

*
We wish you were here to see the love
The tributes and the tears
But pray you 're near some bright star now
Enjoying all the cheers.

*
As you moonwalk to eternity
We hope you know somehow
The good you did, the cheer you gave
Is what we remember now.

*
--Kristine M Smith
C. July 6, 2009