July 9, 2007 Happy Birthday – R.I.P. Daddy!

This is my father’s natal day. He woulda been eighty had he lived this long. Gads, I can’t even imagine…

Val Barrett emailed today saying “we basically introverted types” can fake gregariousness very well when necessary. I had no idea Val was an introvert but, now that I think of it, I should have known! We faked each other out royally in school; we were both aspiring actors in a bygone era, which looks –- to the outside world -- to be the least self-conscious/shy career on the planet!

It turns out that there are a lot of very shy people in acting and in other arts, and that makes sense to me. Acting is a shy person’s only outlet to “act out” (step out and be brave; act in ways they wouldn’t otherwise) and many writers begin because one-on-one casual conversation is so often superficial and unrewarding (“How are you?” “Fine, fine… Hot today, isn’t it?” “Sure is…”) -– or because they couldn’t get a word in edgewise in their boisterous families and took up writing as an outlet.

Almost everyone seeks to interact and communicate, but shy people have to find other ways to do it. So they act, or sing, or dance, or present puppet shows, or dress up like clowns, or in some other way take on a more interactive persona than the one they inhabit by nature or nurture.

I feel completely comfortable with small children and with elderly people – mostly because they are the people whose masks either don’t yet exist (wee ones) or because they’re too old and tired to keep wearing the mask they wore most of their lives. I love honest interaction and don’t find it (in abundance) in daily conversation. (Partly my own fault, too.)

I wear a “gregarious” mask to get by at work and in other public places. It isn’t who I am, but it’s who I was as a kid before the “correction of flaws” lessons began to settle in and take up residency in my psyche. Mom and Dad said I was their “sparkler” early on – their own little Shirley Temple, happy to dance and jump and yell and be the center of attention in the family – TOO happy, they decided, so they set about to “tame” me. They curtailed the essential me (unskillfully, causing unintentional damage along the way) and made me start to doubt the personality God gave me. Voila! Instant shy! (And as a side effect, instant author! They didn’t shut me up-- they just drove me to pen and paper the minute I learned how to string words together! My salvation!) Just add self-doubt to a sparkler and watch any “on-air” / out-in-public" personality traits implode !

Others wear other masks. It’s artificial and superficial, living that way, and not terribly rewarding. But many, if not most, of us do it anyway, I think…

I will have to wear a “gregarious persona” mask in Vegas or I could never do it! My mantra is: “I will be okay once I get on the platform.” I always am. It’s just the first few moments that cause such premeditated agony for months beforehand. I’m a helluvan actress so you won’t see much evidence of shyness. But stand in my shoes and feel my legs quiver and there will be no doubt!!!

Adam asked me to appear. I said I would. I’ve been kicking myself and thanking my God ever since. So yes, I’m pretty schizophrenic about the whole thing!

If I didn’t love De’s fans so much – he has the best fans on the planet – I wouldn’t have enough willpower to say yes to Vegas and follow through with it. Vegas is HUGE -- the big-time in TrekLand! If it didn't intimidate me, I would have myself committed right here and right now!

I just have to remember De’s wise counsel to Brent Spiner when he asked De what to do at his first convention.

“Just love them…”

I do and I will!
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My TREK-themed post card for the convention is approved here at work. I’m just waiting for final approval of the transporter photo from my contact at CBS. When I get that, we will print and be ready to roll in Vegas! WAHOO!

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Carolyn Kelley sent me a poem in calligraphy once. I still have it somewhere in my Kelley treasures but it just came to my mind this afternoon while I was out dead-heading the roses.

I don't know if she wrote it, but it resonates in my soul... Here it is:

Love will fly if held too lightly.

Love will die if held too tightly.

Lightly... tightly... how do I know

Whether I'm killing or letting you go?

Just something to ponder along with all life's other imponderables...

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Senorita Invierno is back in action with a report of her pilgrimage. You should logon... Here's a particularly apt link to get you started somewhere in the middle of her pilgrimage. Don't miss it, De fans!

http://senoritainvierno.blogspot.com/2007/07/winters-way-part-4-parting-of-ways.html