Saturday, July 7, 2007

7/7/07 ... An Amazing Twice in a Lifetime Number!

On the last 7/7/77 (August 7, 1977) I entered Sunrise Hospital in Las Vegas to have intestinal bypass surgery. Its result was life-changing. I traded in a super-sized body for life in a more-or-less normal-size body and began to live life again! In a few weeks I'll be back in Las Vegas, thirty years and one month later...

This being 7/7/07 (seven is the number of completion in the Bible), I have spent much of the day reading God's Word and praying. I even fasted until noon. I had planned to fast from 7:07 a.m. to 7:07 p.m. but ended up going to King's Manor to fulfill my promise to Della to come see her, and she had a ticket in her purse for a complimentary meal. There went my resolve! Eighteen hours of a fast is better than no fast at all, I reckon... (For a person with a passion for food, an eighteen hour fast is pert-near a miracle!)

I am at the tail end of -- let's call it "introspection week." It began to happen as I was reading the Bible this morning (even though I read it daily). This morning it was a sustained reading in Charles Stanley's Life Principals Bible that brought so much clarification, realization and peace. And two email pals told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was being too hard on myself -- trying to "earn" righteousness, perhaps, rather than understanding that righteousness is not earnable, but is a free gift of God in Christ Jesus. I "know" that intellectually, but emotionally I'm always trying to surprise and bless God as well, finding ways of acknowledging "I know You're out there constantly blessing me... Here's something unexpected for YOU!"

I'm at the stage of my relationship with God that I was at one point earlier on with De and Carolyn, I think: the point at which I was striving to "prove" to them my trustworthiness and my worthiness to be called a friend. (Did you know Jesus calls us His friends? I cried so hard when I learned that, and still do when we sing a particular song at church!) The pattern in both relationships is the same (that's because I'm the common denominator in both relationships, the "broken" one!). And in both cases, it was already a "done deal": it was the other party that fostered and prospered the relationship even while I was back-pedaling and wondering, "What's going on here? Why me? Are you sure?!"

As soon as I noticed the similarities this morning, I started to relax and smile at my bubble-headedness. I let so much water go under the bridge before I realized I was enjoying a real friendship with the Kelleys. I simply couldn't believe that they weren't "just being kind to a fan" for so many years. In fact, if De hadn't called me in to care for him during his last months, I would still, to this day, believe that the Kelleys were "just being kind to a fan," despite all the evidence to the contrary, which is so apparent (in retrospect) throughout my book. (I am one thick chick! See what a low sense of self-esteem can do to a person's paradigm?) But De kept telling everyone at the hospital and other places we went that I was their friend... and when I met the Kelleys' other friends, while Terry was researching her bio of De, they told me the Kelleys had always talked about me to them as being their friend...

There is something about the word friend that is almost sacred to me. I have lots and lots of acquaintances, but I'm not the kind of person who has a lot of friends. (My doing, not theirs.) I guess I don't trust people enough to allow many people to get that close to me. You would never know this to meet me -- I'm not anti-social or mean-spirited in the least, but I am a recovering wallflower, remember! I can act gregarious and super-social, but it's not native to me at all! Portraying "outgoing" is the only way I can survive, but it's stressful to me -- I get back home generally feeling exhausted! Three days in Vegas will knock me for a loop for a week. My employer will get back a limp dish rag -- but a very happy one! I'm always glad I agreed to appear at a convention (after it's all over!) -- proving to myself that I can (with God's help) face the fear/"ride that rollercoaster" and live to tell about it!

The word "friend" is akin to the word "family" to me. I view a really good friend as a family member God gave me belatedly when He realized what I still needed to experience in order to become a more complete personality. My few friends are precious gemstones whose many facets enhance life and bring light and joy into it. You know who you are. Some of you I haven't even met face-to-face yet, but will very soon in Vegas (Billie Rae, Alison) -- or somewhere else soon (in the case of Bobbie & Joel Bobstein)! I've spilled my guts to you and you have sustained me with your empathy, prayers and love. I trust you. That's a hard word for me to come by!

I feel much better tonight. I've discovered that with friends, with family, and with God you don't have to be perfect to be cherished, treasured and accepted. Love is just the best thing ever!





2 comments:

Alison said...

Amen.

"The entire universe operates in cycles similar to your inhalations and exhalations. When you only exhale (give) or only inhale (receive), you become out fo rhythm with the universe. For optimal health, energy and replishment, balance each inhalation in your life with an exhalation." D Virtue

P.S. INHALE

Kristine M Smith said...

*****aaahhhhhhhhhh*******

Thanks!