Damned Yellowjackets!!!!

When Nature Attacks!

I was on my daily four mile walk this morning, traveling the route I always travel, minding my own business on the side of the road and WHAM!!! Suddenly the back of my head felt so freaking weird and then the stinging started. I reached back to "see" (actually feel) what the hell was going on back there and there was at least one yellow jacket trapped in the hair that was sticking out from my baseball cap. It felt like a pussywillow, so I grabbed it (luckily by its sides) and pulled it out of my hair, and there it was: my proof that I had been attacked by at least one, possibly as many as three yellow jackets (unless the one I "rescued" was a repeat offender).

This was three hours ago and the back of my head where I was stung STILL stings! It's a whole lot less than it was two hours ago, or three hours ago, but it's still there as a reminder that I managed to somehow piss off a bunch of bees.

I was only ten minutes into my walk when I was assaulted, so I decided to walk the rest of the way around (another 3 miles or so). I must've been really driven by the stinging because I got around in record time and my heart rate jumped up into the 90% range (aerobics-wise) while my heart beats (usually between 120-138 when I'm walking fast and taking hills) was up near 160 bpm. I gotta tell ya, that concerned me. I wondered if the multiple stings were taking a toll on me. I never got dizzy, or swelled (except at the sites of the stings), but I did get concerned for a time there. I kept fingering my cell phone, thinking "I'm sure I'll get enough warning to be able to dial 911 if I have to..." So I kept asking myself all along the way (silently, of course!), "Where are you now, in case you need to dial 911?" "I'm on Waller Road between 96th Avenue East and 104th Avenue East.... I'm on 104th Avenue East between Waller Road and Vickery... I'm on 104th Street between Central Avenue School and 48th Avenue..."

As soon as I turned the corner onto the street I live on, I heard my name being called out. Huh?! Was I hallucinating, now?

No. It was George Rebar, Wendy's dad (Wendy is my niece -- nephew Phil's wife), calling out to me. As it turned out, he was right behind me by about 20 paces between 40th Avenue and 48th Avenue.

I stopped and we exchanged pleasantries, then I told him if he planned to walk on 96th Avenue East on the way home, to divert at 40th and go that way home -- to avoid the vicious, rapacious, ruthless yellow jackets who were causing grief to innocent passersby!

I tell ya!!! It has been decades since I've been stung by bees, and I had forgotten how much exquisite pain those little guys can cause. I'm usually the one at picnics saying, "Just sit still. As soon as they find out you're not a flower or a hot dog (depending on the species of bee), they'll go away..."

I've been defending saboteurs all these years! No more Ms. Nice Guy when it comes to yellow jackets anymore. From now on I'm getting the RAID out and aiming to kill!