Billie Rae Walker Weighs In...

Those of you who have read the exemplary and extensive interview with me at STARTREK.COM already know something of Billie Rae Walker. She was my interviewer and she is solely responsible for making the interview exemplary. (I had answers but until Billie posed the questions that dredged them from their hiding places, they were stuck. Her insightful queries liberated them.) Yet another interview between her and me will appear in the April or June issue of STAR TREK MAGAZINE. These are totally new questions and totally new responses, so don't worry about redundancy.

When we met (via phone and Internet) to have the first interview ....(http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/features/specials/article/30875.html ...
we also connected on a faith level and found out that we also share many other interests as well, so we have continued a penpal relationship (although we hope to meet at the Vegas convention in August).

You already know she's a phenomenal interviewer -- now you will have a chance to learn a little about her faith walk in the following paragraphs. With her permission, I am publishing the email she sent to me this morning:



Hi Kris...... What a GREAT Blog !!! I've tried to respond a couple of times, but my new computer is not interfacing correctly........so I'll join the discussion this way [hope that's ok].

THE GOD THING: I was a "good" agnostic [or I tried to be, not always successfully] throughout high school and college.....It was "in" during the sixties, of course. I never considered being an atheist tho'....this beautiful world SHOUTS the existence of God! And as an Anthropology major I saw that all cultures have some means of worshiping God, whatever name they use for Him.

C.S. Lewis' "Surprised By Joy" first caught my attention in college'; his "Mere Christianity"showed me -- 1] the Bible is true, and 2] Jesus is who He said He was....... so the only remaining question was what was I going to do about it?

It was also my good fortune to meet a Pastor who didn't take offense at my many, many questions. My return to the fold was a quiet one, as reflects my disposition....

As you said, God meets each of us where we are. The Pastor said it was unusual, as I was just trying to find out what was True, not searching for any answer to a life problem......which he likened to St. Augustine's search for the truth. That was a nice compliment, but when I tried reading St. Augustine's writings they were over my head.

C.S. Lewis, however, I understood.....an Oxford scholar who could speak so clearly that his country asked him to speak to the people of England on the radio while they stood alone against a very great Evil [the result: "Mere Christianity"].

Much later on I discovered Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest". Culturally, and theologically, I love small country churches that teach the Bible......God [our Creator, Higher Power, whatever] meant that book for my culture......and I decided it was time to go back to the "faith of my fathers".

I remember hearing a Native American asking why Americans [the rest of us] kept trying to practice his spiritual heritage when they had their own. That question stayed with me, as I'd done a lot of reading about different religions......and I know that, however hard we try to immerse ourselves in a different cultural tradition, there will always be subtle things that we either miss or get wrong.

My "Indian"American brother had a valid point. So I grew up loving Christ and the Bible, and I'll leave this world the same way. The rest of my questions can wait until I meet the Author.

THE PRESIDENT: As you said, the President is our Christian brother also. Thus, I'll continue to pray for him and for the Lord to guide him. As for any opinions I have about the war, I tell my friends that I haven't yet received my classified briefing papers [they must be lost in the mail between here and the White House] so I don't have enough information to have a definite opinion. As ours is a representative democracy [unlike the "pure" democracy of the New England Town Meetings] I will have to trust such things to the President and Congress [most of whom voted for the war originally, based on the information available at the time]. And I pray that they also pray for guidance, according to their own religious beliefs.

My GED students [finishing their high school degrees] and I just continue to support and send things to the troops, most of whom are the same age as my students. Our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, and Coast Guard are standing between us and a cultural heritage that believes the USA and western culture to be totally Evil [which doesn't leave a lot of room for negotiation].

I hope that you're right in that mass communication will help eliminate cultural barriers and misunderstandings, but I do not expect to live to see it [there will always be "wars and rumors of wars"-- the Bible]. So I'll let the troops know that we all, no matter what our opinions, support them and pray for their safe return........and I serve as a Red Cross Disaster Volunteer.


STAR TREK XI: What great news...... I thought that no one could ever play Dr. McCoy [or your friend De] but the gentleman from "CSI New York" would be great. And they can't have STAR TREK without our favorite "old country doctor". He needs to keep reminding Kirk & Spock what really matters at the heart of human evolution. And he's necessary to provide the balance: Action, Reason; Emotion..........the Enterprise would have warped into history long ago without him. The three books about Academy Days have all three, Kirk, Spock, McCoy--- each featured in his own book in the trilogy. McCoy is a decade older than the other two, but he still meets up with them when they are in Starfleet Academy [in these books]. And the 40th Anniversary trilogy:"Crucible" -by David R. George III--has one volume for each of them: "McCoy: Provenance of Shadows"; "Spock: The Fire and the Rose"; and "Kirk: The Star to Every Wandering". Thus, it stands to reason that the three of them must be together in "STAR TREK XI", right?


I've enjoyed your daily comments....... and it's so GREAT you love your work. It really is a blessing to love what you do. I've had the good fortune to have loved my job most of the time......which made the other times tolerable. Take good care...... Talk to you soon.....God Bless..... Luv, Billie


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

And now... the adventure continues.... between the agnostic and me... Incidentally, the agnostic is considering "coming out of the closet" and letting everyone know who he is, but until he does, I will just leave his emails as they are and keep his name as a secret. However, today's email certainly gives a lot of hints as to who he is in the Trek world... but my lips are sealed until he spills the beans. So, without further ado.... Here is his take on what I said to him in my last email:


I wrote: All your questions below were answered by Meenan. No kidding!And you can take a listen to my present Pastor (Wolfson) if you like as well at http://www.churchforallnations.org/<http://www.churchforallnations.org/> . I have a feeling he may be more up your alley. His past three sermons have all been, "Church is less a place we go than who we are. Therefore, let's be the church." I think you have been saying that to me and other Christians all along --certainly with your very first email explanation to me (which I published in the blog) about where you are coming from -- in one way or another...


His response: One of my first lessons in religion was that there is an answer for everything. Logically, this made no sense to me as a child, because whenever there wasn't an answer, "faith" would be trotted out. As part of my job over the years working on various Star Trek publications, including the Fact Files in the UK, we often ran up against great leaps of logic or inconsistencies. Being Star Trek, a fantasy, we were able to scramble and find reasonably sound ways of fitting the action onscreen to the obvious gap in the continuity. Again,this reminded me of religion, where you can explain virtually everything by using biblical accounts, metaphor, or, lastly, the trump card: faith.


I wrote: And here's a thought to ponder -- if ALL religions believe essentially the same thing, does that not mean that there is a Truth(Intelligent Design) behind them (since all were developed independently of each others while the world was still separated by geography and without mass communications) and that we humans have been playing"telephone" with the Truth for all these years? And does that not explain why Jesus came here, to untangle the Truth from the stories that spring up around the God of the Universe? (And consider this: Perhaps earlier stories were given by God as prophetic stories to be fully realized when Jesus came and said, "I'm what all your many stories have been pointing to all these years.")


His response: Perhaps. But what this tells me from a scientific point of view is that we evolved along the same lines, and that we do have very powerful brains that can create, study, account, philosophize, etc. What we don't entirely know is just how much greater we are to, say, the ape, than ourselves. Would another species, given thousands of years, make a similar jump from simple animal to complex human-like thoughts. Our ability to reason is admirable, but many animals do as well. Just not with the degree of complexity we do.

I believe, and I think science will bear this out, we have tremendous brain power, yet we do not use it all. There are times, however, when our brains, the dormant parts, kick in a bit. These are times of great clarity, enlightenment, etc. that we all at some point get. I think it's merely a natural part of our anatomy. But I also think these periods of greater clarity are often times mistaken for some sort of religious"awakening."


I wrote: Just something to ponder. We are all buzzing and buzzing around the essence of the Truth, but none of us -- not even Christians - know the full truth or the import of it. We cannot share God's thoughts.His ways are above our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts... but oh, how he loves us and tries to give us what He can (through our filters, barriers and borders) that is good and kind and gracious and redemptive.


He responded: I'm glad you are so humble about this Kris. As am I, he said humbly. I am constantly amazed by the vast amounts of Christians who "know" the truth. We had a Mormon babysitter once who was very, very sweet. I remember she gave us the book of Mormon and said, in all seriousness, that this was "The Truth"!! I chuckled inwardly, but didn't have the heart to tell her what the most likely truth was-- that it was an entirely fabricated religion, based on tablets that no one had ever seen and supported a theory that Native Americans were an evil lost tribe of Israel.

But I also have to add one thing, and I think my politics will become clearer here (OK, call me a Liberal -- ironically, I think Jesus is a total radical liberal!): God loves SOME of us. I can't square his love with the idea that an innocent Iraqi child blown up by an insurgent or stray US missile, is loved. I can't understand why a soldier who has both legs blown off would be happy with God teaching him some kind of"lesson" and that this is merely part of His "plan."

And when we have the quintessence of ignorance masquerading as piety in the White House, I have to wonder about His love. Let's look at the situation in Iraq, for instance. In December last year, 6,000 Iraqis were killed. That's double what we lost on 9/11. And that is just one month.

Were these people all "evil" and deserving of this? I hardly think so. If they are all God's children, is this any way to treat a child? There are millions more dying of AIDS in Africa, starvation, genocide in Darfur...I only ask because I am curious: "Why, God?"

I wrote: I do not do "ritualistic" religion. I know the Catholics and the Lutherans and others do and if it works for them, great -- they're all going to heaven, too. But it won't be that way in heaven. If I don't meet God every day personally in a casual, friendly, loving,non-ritualistic conversation (at church or elsewhere) -- while driving my car, eating a sandwich, taking a walk -- I feel really out of touch and cheated (but by myself, not God! I know He's always right here!)


He wrote: Funny you should say that. When I was at Catholic school, but paying Protestant fees because I wasn't Catholic, I was told explicitly that I was going to hell. I thought it ironic, once again, that an all-loving God would condemn me to hell because I didn't subscribe to one way of thinking.

And that brought me to the subject of hell itself. If God so loved humankind, and created us with all these faults and foibles, don't you think He would cut us some slack and maybe let some people off for good behavior, rather than perish for all eternity in hell?

No, hell to me was always an obvious creation by man to balance out the idea of heaven. There had to be a yin/yang principle here, otherwise there was no real punishment for being "bad."

And God, again if he truly loved what he had created, would not, COULD not, go against his own nature and create something so diabolical that its very existence calls into question his benevolence.

I wrote: Do you realize God is using you right now to refine me and using me to refine you? What you ask gives me the sweetest dreams!Seriously! I was out evangelizing the world last night while asleep--and I NEVER do that while awake (except maybe in my blog -- it seems to be going that way a lot lately, but that's just 'cause YOU started it! )


He wrote: Yes, I realize that delving into one's belief system wakes up the mind. And I appreciate your comments here. I am glad to be taking part in something so stimulating.



I wrote: I would love for you to know what I know and to see and feel what I feel, but as I say, you gotta go get your own. My relationship niche with God is already occupied! You can get one just as great, but it takes some work... as much time as you have spent dancing all around the idea of God.


He wrote: There is a converse here too. I would love people to be free of having to think one way. I think it is very liberating, to live one's life and not feel like there is a man in the sky spying on me all the time. Besides, with the recent decimation of our civil liberties, I now know that my own government might be spying on me! That's enough for me.


I wrote: He wants you or you wouldn't be so compelled to keep looking, ya know?!

He wrote: Maybe He does! But He is going to have to work for it. After all, He created me to question, right? ;-)


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

There you have it -- the agnostic who still ends believing that God created him to ask questions! This man wants to believe -- he's just having a hard time of it.

I have answers to every issue he brought up, and am eager to dive right on in and tell him what I believe is going on that redeems God's "character" despite the atrocities being committed on a global scale... but by now there are a lot of others looking in on this blog, with love and concern and questions and answers, and I am going to sit on mine for a while and see what you all have to say -- or share -- in response to this man's questions and concerns -- and his very, very good heart, which is hurting for a world in very deep trouble.

Don't yell, "No fair!" If no one else responds, I most certainly will! (But don't let that be a rationale for remaining mum. I expect you to get involved -- here and now!)

If my God is on trial here, and won't speak up to defend Himself... I will!

God has nothing to defend himself against -- he has done no wrong, He is Good All The Time -- unless you subscribe to the belief (and I don't know anyone who does) that He designed us "fatally flawed" by granting us free will to be His image-bearers and heirs... or not.

But if we choose "not," the consequence has been laid out from the foundation of the earth: eternal separation from Him, which some theologians call hell and which Jesus dreaded more than the beating and crucifixion he would suffer -- which is why he wrestled so and sweated blood in the Garden of Gethsemane, asking if there were "any other way" to save us -- knowing he would be taking our sin upon Himself and paying our penalty himself: to be separated entirely from ("forsaken by") His Father for three days while he visited hell and defeated death and Satan... to pave a way back into God's presence.

And all it takes is a "Thank you, Jesus!" and belief that He is who he said He is and did what the Bible claims He did.

And some people call that exclusionary. I don't know in what way! All are welcome to acknowledge what He did for them....

The ball -- as always -- is in our court....

Wheee! A God Conversation!

My Trek friend (you know, the agnostic who's reading The God Delusion at present) and I have been having a conversation that I would love others to get in on.

Here's what he wrote:


Interesting. Thanks Kris. I watched some of the videos and he seems pretty straightforward [He is referring here to Pastor Alan Meenan at www.thewordisout.org and www.churchforthenations.org.)

Other questions: Even if there is a creator, does it have to be the god as described in the bible? Maybe he is something even more unknowable and that all the religions are on a similar track but haven't quite reached what he/she/it is all about.

I think there is an almost meditational aspect to religion, as that is what the contemplation of the "mystery" and the message seems to be about. This is consistent in all religions.Also, I tend to read other books about the origins of religion. What I see from a historical point of view is that the bible was really a collection of stories, passed down and borrowed from older religions and stories, such as Gilgamesh. Flood stories, virgin births, etc. are not unique to the bible. And many of Christ's stories are borrowed or reworked from other sources.

One of the reasons I always felt Christianity took off was that it put the human touch, i.e. Jesus, into the mix. This is where Judaism doesn't really hold the same appeal. There is no central figure that people can relate to. Is it safe to say that sacrificing one's life is not all that unusual, when it comes for the betterment of others? I would in a second to save my family, and doesn't a soldier who puts on the uniform for his country willingly offer his life for the sake of others?
It's all very noble, but not unheard of.

There is a great audio book out now by Julia Sweeney called Getting Away from God. I recommend as it's a very spiritual journey that is touching, knowledgeable, funny and insightful.

Can one be truly happy without God? I suppose that would depend on the definition. I have a curious disposition, by nature. I used to give the priests, brothers and sisters at my Catholic schools fits. But what is interesting is that they all respected my questions. I have to give them credit for that.


As ever,

(I hope you don't mind talking about this stuff. It's a lifelong obsession!)

And my response:



Dear _____,

Mind talking about this stuff? Are you kidding? Not at all!

All your questions below were answered by Meenan. No kidding! And you can take a listen to my present Pastor (Wolfson) if you like as well at www.churchforallnations.org. Click on Multimedia once you get there and then click on audio or video, whichever you prefer. I have a feeling he may be more up your alley. His past three sermons have all been, "Church is less a place we go than who we are. Therefore, let's be the church." I think you have been saying that to me and other Christians all along -- certainly with your very first email explanation to me (which I published in the blog) about where you are coming from -- in one way or another...

And here's a thought to ponder -- if ALL religions believe essentially the same thing, does that not mean that there is a Truth (Intelligent Design) behind them (since all were developed independently of each others while the world was still separated by geography and without mass communications) and that we humans have been playing "telephone" with the Truth for all these years? And does that not explain why Jesus came here, to untangle the Truth from the stories that spring up around the God of the Universe? (And consider this: Perhaps earlier stories were given by God as prophetic stories to be fully realized when Jesus came and said, "I'm what all your many stories have been pointing to all these years.")

Just something to ponder. We are all buzzing and buzzing around the essence of the Truth, but none of us -- not even Christians - know the full truth or the import of it. We cannot share God's thoughts. His ways are above our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts... but oh, how he loves us and tries to give us what He can (through our filters, barriers and borders) that is good and kind and gracious and redemptive.

I do not do "ritualistic" religion. I know the Catholics and the Lutherans and others do and if it works for them, great -- they're all going to heaven, too. But it won't be that way in heaven. If I don't meet God every day personally in a casual, friendly, loving, non-ritualistic conversation (at church or elsewhere) -- while driving my car, eating a sandwich, taking a walk -- I feel really out of touch and cheated (but by myself, not God! I know He's always right here!)

Do you realize God is using you right now to refine me and using me to refine you? What you ask gives me the sweetest dreams! Seriously! I was out evangelizing the world last night while asleep --and I NEVER do that while awake (except maybe in my blog -- it seems to be going that way a lot lately, but that's just 'cause YOU started it! )

I would love for you to know what I know and to see and feel what I feel, but as I say, you gotta go get your own. My relationship niche with God is already occupied! You can get one just as great, but it takes some work... as much time as you have spent dancing all around the idea of God.

He wants you or you wouldn't be so compelled to keep looking, ya know?!


Kris


P.S. Oh, by the way... Keep giving God's people fits. They need it to figure out how best to communicate with seekers! You're the steel upon which our evangelism gets sharpened!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I must also add that if my friend was indicating that what Jesus did on the cross was "not all that uncommon" given the altruistic bent of parents and soldiers, I must clarify something:

Parents and soldiers don't divest themselves of their God-ness to come to earth to save all mankind. They are noble, they are revered, honored and cherished by me for sacrificing themselves for people, nations (and let's add firefighters and policemen to the list) and even people they don't know... but their sacrifices don't compare with what Jesus did. They certainly reflect what Jesus did and espoused, but in order to achieve the depth, breadth and width of what Jesus did, they would have to have been Jesus. He is the only human who ever divested himself of his God power while on earth for 33 years (accessing God's power only as we mere mortals can access it for that period of time) in order to provide eternal salvation for us. Soldiers, parents and firefighters die to provide temporal salvation for us.

Big difference!

Eegads.... Now What?

I have been so good about these blogs but there comes a time when the well runs dry... Am I going to have one of those spells tonight? Let me noodle this a bit and see if I can come up with something worth your time...

I just walked a few blocks...fast... and did 45 whatever-you-call-thems on my Torso Track. Usually I walk at lunch time for 35 minutes but yesterday and today I had to stay put in the office and make up for time lost when I went to the dentist for a cleaning yesterday morning.

The dentist discovered a carie (cavity) behind one of the porcelain veneers on a front tooth; otherwise, all is well. Good thing, because fixing the cavity is going to cost $1K, only about $80 of which I have to pay, because I happen to have multiple sources of dental insurance until September.

They will take the veneer off and discard it (my poor, wonderful, expensive veneer!) and will give me a crown instead (white, so it doesn't look dumb). Why? Because a veneer is cosmetic and as such isn't covered by insurance; a crown is something that protects a tooth from further damage, so it is covered. So I'm going with a crown, doctor's orders.

He might hire On-Hold Concepts (my employer) to produce an on-hold program for him! I told him I will write it, if he does. He's aware of my books, as is his hygienist, so that made him smile...

On another topic. Just got an email...

My TREK agnostic is reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. Is he trying hard to become an atheist, I wonder? Then I remember that C.S. Lewis became a believer of the highest order when he set out to prove God a delusion. So I have immense patience and faith. He's looking for something. That's what it takes!

What I find awful about Dawkins is that he's such a mean-spirited atheist and God-basher. He calls God things that -- well, all I can say is, he'd better be right -- or he may answer for what he calls God! (There's still time for God to put an Apostle Paul headlock on him, so I won't count him out yet! )

Dawkins calls people like me intolerant. I worship in a church that serves 54 different nationalities and we get along and everything. It's the greatest Starship Enterprise on the planet except for maybe Warner Bros.! And we love and pray for those who aren't Christians. Most of what has passed for wanton Christianity is just that -- wanton Christianity!

I wonder how many Christians he really knows...

I know the "sound bites" re Christians... and some sound bites FROM Christians (Pat Robertson, George Bush) make me cringe... but these do not reflect the Christians I pal around with. You're going to find nutty people everywhere. And it seems the more power they get, the nuttier they become!

God met me where I live. That's all I know for sure. WHY he wants me is in the Bible: He wants me to "get" Him, to share and enjoy His creation as a gift and a reminder...

I can't give you my faith. You have to go get your own. I can share my faith, and sometimes it can feel contagious, but it really isn't. If you have someone else's religion, it's not yours. God has a personalized, individualized relationship that only YOU will share with him, because you are unique in all the universe (no matter how many TREK episodes you have seen where characters meet their counterparts in an alternate universe).

You can't have my relationship with God, any more than you can have my relationship with my sister or my employer or my cat, or I yours.

But you can have your own! Running in the other direction may get you there, but you will have to circumnavigate the globe to reach the destination. Repent means turn around and head toward God, the Source of All.

You've got questions. He's got answers.

Find a Job You Love, and You'll Never Have To Work a Day in Your Life

God, I love my job!

Truly -- I can't get enough of it! It engages me -- heart, mind, soul and spirit...

Wish I'd found it three and a half years ago when I returned from Hollywood to the Pacific Northwest... but then I would never have worked with the amazing and truly Christ-like Pastor Ken Ecker or any of the other wonderful people at Church For All Nations (www.churchforallnations.org) where I worship, or with Sheila Mischke at Kings Manor (www.kingsmanoralf.com), where I was an Activity Director...

I wasn't ready to work at On-Hold Concepts until it happened, pure and simple. God's timing is perfect, as always.

Without the church and King's Manor experiences, I wouldn't have acquired the knowledge that enables me to write well for clients who come to us from those fields. I find that nearly every job I have held to date (except for corn husker -- don't remind me!) has given me some knowledge or insight that helps me do my job as a copywriter at On-Hold Concepts (www.onholdconcepts.com).

I led with the quote, "Find a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life."

I don't know who said it, but it's a bald-faced lie in one way. I love what I do, but I work hard, or I probably wouldn't get to keep doing it! (Elementary, my dear Watson.) It just doesn't seem like work (a four letter word) because I love it! Even the inherent stress is eustress, not distress.

S'wonderful! I'm positively giddy most of the day, most days!

Now, don't go gettin' jealous on me. I'm saying this because I know there is a job (a mission, a passion) out there somewhere for everyone who wants or needs to hold down a job. You just have to apply for it (whether you qualify to the letter or not) and let God handle the details!

He'll work it out, if you hand him the reins. I did, and got down to $38 in liquid assets before this job came through for me.

Was I scared? My sisters and other relatives were. I wasn't. I was bathed in that "peace that passes all understanding." I believed that God knew my heart, my situation, my next job, and how to make it happen. I had stood on His promises and on the knowledge of His love for me and said, "I can't do this in my own strength, potential, resume, merit... but to You, nothing is impossible..."

I'm really grateful for my new job for a number of reasons: to the HR lady, Gayle, and to the owners of the business, the Woodstocks, who took a chance on me. They knew I was a freelance writer and that I could string words together -- I proved both, these were never issues -- but they were looking for an "experienced" copywriter. I interpreted the ad to mean a wage-or-salary-earning, down-in-the-trenches, deadline-driven, warp speed producer with hide of rhinoceros and heart of gold... but I applied anyway, even though I had never worked in a copywriter's trench -- and I told them so in the cover letter, straight up.

I was not tried, tested or proven in this specific "copywriter" niche... but they gave me a shot at it, telling me it would take a minimum of two months for me to really catch on and start to be a co-equal contributor, but not to worry about it too much, because they expected it to take that long...

I went home that night and prayed to God, "Make me a sponge. Let everything I am told soak in and stay with me until I truly understand it and can run with it."

Ten days later I was told that, much to everyone's surprise and delight, I was up to speed and they trusted me with their clients! I went home and prayed again: "Thank You!"

Within days of starting the job, it was "mine." It felt intuitive, I understood the database, and the protocol. It was truly, truly a miracle. I have NEVER measured up in any job as quickly as I measured up in this one.

The clients love what I write. When we talk on the phone, it's a love fest. We all seem on the same page. There is no accounting for this other than by divine influence and providence.

I am also grateful to the lady I succeeded, who trained me at warp speed in two and a half days before flying off on a mission trip to Africa. I'm grateful to my two other mentors, Brian and Keith, copywriters #1 and #2, who took the Melanie-trained, information-saturated sponge she handed off to them and refined me as the weeks passed, finessing me into the role that now feels like a part of my DNA...

I'm grateful to my coworkers, who made me feel like an immediate part of a terrific new family, and nursemaided me, with patience and affection, through the boo-boos that did issue from my first primitive forays into the process...

You need to keep looking until you find a job that leaves you feeling a little desolate when you have to leave it on Friday night for two days and take a weekend. That's the job God made for you to have. Go get it. Let me know you're going after it and I will join you in prayer and agree with you that you should have it.

I believe in you and I believe that God believes in you, and with His support, how can you lose?

Go get 'em, tiger!

Whazzup, Sugar Pup?

Well... I had to come up with some kind of catchy title, didn't I, or nobody would bother to check in tonight!

I received more comments about yesterday's blog than I expected. One thing is for sure: it's a hot button topic. I think perhaps my English friend Alison (presently living in Spain teaching English) has a better perspective on it than I did, or do. That would figure, since she's a teacher! I would hope and expect that teachers have it over me in the sesos department (brains)!

I am intrigued. Curious. Hopeful. As I quoted in an earlier blog, I am an eternal optimist who daily lifts my head to the heartbeat of human existence. It beats the alternative by a landslide.

I really do think we are going to make it to the 23rd century and beyond as a result of the rapid spread of the Internet and international travel. It's going to be hard to stay stupid about the rest of the world for very much longer.

I know North Korea doesn't allow its citizens any contact at all with the outside world, so it will remain dangerous, maniacal and brain-washed, but most of the world (here and abroad) will begin to see some daylight. When it does, I think fear of the "otherness" of people will begin to fade as we all realize how much we have in common:

A planet. A universe. Souls. Hope. Love. Compassion. Unfounded fears. Founded fears. Families that need to be sustained in body, soul and spirit with food, water, shelter, hope, faith, dreams, goals, plans.

I still believe that most people (and all who are reading this blogsite, for sure) want to make a positive difference, based on their own paradigm and perspective. Sharing paradigms and perspectives without shouting or raising weapons is a good thing.

Call me a Pollyanna if you like. It's better than many other things I could be (and probably have been) called...

Yesterday afternoon my younger sister Jackie and I went to Portland Oregon to attend the wedding reception of our older sister's daughter and her new husband . He is from Saudi Arabia, here on a student visa for seven or eight years.

He met her about three years ago in Aberdeen, Washington. She had already embraced the Muslim faith a number of years before meeting him, and was studying Arabic with great enthusiasm (after having mastered Spanish).

I scarcely know my older sister's three children, except by reputation, which has always been sterling: excellent students (mostly home-schooled by their dad; my sis is an attorney), both daughters started college in their early teens and had graduated by the time most students their age are just entering college. Their son is still at home (at an age where he should be) but the girls have been on their own for well over five years.

I lived in California during much of their upbringing and communication between Big Sis and me was limited, even uncomfortable until Mom died and I saw her cry for the first time. (Sis is Spock-like. I am McCoy-like. Get the picture? Both personality types are quite respectable; they just don't "get" each other, even though they certainly honor one another.) She has her own law practice and doesn't know the meaning of the phrase "take time to smell the roses." She's a working fool. You can't coerce her into even an annual weekend retreat with her sisters, and unless sisters retreat there is always so much activity going when we do connect that true communication-and-reflection time is nonexistent.

All of this came home to me in crystal-clear, high definition resolution last night. Here I was wishing two people well, one of whom I had just met (my new Saudi Arabian nephew); the other, my sister's daughter... and I don't know her much better than I know him!

I love my niece, I care about her; the few times we have been together have been pure joy. She's funny, and sweet and smart and every good thing. She wears the head covering and ankle-length attire of a devout Muslim and looks adorable -- okay, beautiful, too -- in it. Last night she looked very, very happy, having tied the knot just that afternoon in a private ceremony.

And in two years these newlyweds will move to Saudi Arabia and I may never see her again. And I wonder, will her own mother ever see her again? Will my older sister ever get to hold her grandchildren in her arms? Or, even worse perhaps, will she get to hold one of them in her arms sometime during the next two years while they are still here and then have to relinquish that joy when they move overseas to enter a male-dominated culture that is controlled in a way that is so utterly foreign to us liberated westerners?

Then I reconsider. I'm fearful because of recent events and because our media always leads with an "us vs. them" perspective ever since 9-11. ("Look how DIFFERENT they are!") We've all seen various reports about how women are regarded there; how all their "rights," or rather their permissions -- to travel, dress, interact, communicate -- are in the hands of their husbands...

But male-dominated cultures and kingdoms have existed in most countries for most of our history. In countries where there are benevolent kingdoms (and many are, including Saudi Arabia), the king and heads of households recognize their dominion over people, and repond accordingly -- quite apart from domination. Look up the differences in the dictionary if you're not clear about the two terms. It's when kingdoms or families have despotic leaders that grievous harm occurs. Kingdoms as a general rule are benevolent guardians of their people.

And if the culture is male-dominated, there is nothing wrong with that as long as the male has the best interests of all members of his family in heart and mind. Just as Christ is the "head" of the Christian church, husbands here in America and around the world are commanded (in the Bible) to be the "heads" of their households (willing to lay down their lives as Christ did in the best interests of his wife, their children and the family unit).

To say I feel comfortable with this new coupling would be somewhat (and a wee bit more) short of the truth. My heart hesitates; I have enormous concern, because I don't know enough yet to have worries confirmed or blasted to smithereens. There are too many unknowns. I don't know the gentleman's intentions. I don't even know my niece's intentions! Both are strangers to me, I'm sad to say. But I care about them, and about my older sister. I wonder what she is feeling, but because she is such a Spock, I probably will never know her innermost thoughts...

I do know this much: Every soul is important to God. Whatever the future holds for my niece and new nephew, I can only pray that it will be immense with love, joy, and fulfillment beyond their wildest dreams.

I honor their commitment to marriage and to a life together. I respect her decision and pray that what she experiences in Saudi Arabia will be so far from what we here in America anticipate for her that she will be able to share her joy with us across the ocean and re-educate us about a land we have so little personal knowledge of.

Early Morning Blog...

Yesterday's blog was a re-creation of a blog I wrote that was "gobbled up" by some anomaly just as it was primed and ready to post. The recreation wasn't quite as good or quite as complete as the original... but it'll pass...

The frustrating thing is that there was more information in the original, and I keep remembering some of it. So, for what it's worth, yesterday's blog should have had something like the following in it...

When you develop a personal relationship with God, you will always feel loved by One who loves you more than he loves anything else he created (which may be why he put man in charge of a lot of it, to share the glory of his creation and protection/dominion), and more than anyone on earth can love you. He's the Original Love-r.

But when you decide once and for all to live with Him, it'll pinch at times, even as it pinches when you live with anyone else you love here on earth. His ways are not our ways, and his thoughts are not our thoughts. Whatever he does is right, even on days when you disagree vehemently. Once you get to know him (and I'm not quite there, or haven't had an anxious or significant emotional experience yet to bring me to this point), you will sometimes become livid and shake your fist and ask him, out of anger or an inability to understand, "Why are you allowing this (disaster, crisis, loss, challenge) to come into my life?!"

If you expect your life with God to forever be a bed of roses, consider this: roses have thorns, and even a bed of roses will make you bleed at times.

I don't want this to scare you away. I have learned that when I am under God's proverbial wings, in the way a hen protects her chicks, I will sometimes get overly warm, I will be tucked back underneath his breast by a strong, loving beak, I will be clucked at and corrected time and time again, but all during these inconvenient, uncomfortable, trying times I am aware that it's these very "insults to self," these "impingments to freedom" that build trust in God, that build patience and forebearance and character.

No experience will be wasted. Last year's disaster is this year's blessing. It is what we learn during disaster that allows us to help someone else facing a similar challenge; it is what we become during and after grief or trauma or addiction or conviction by the Holy Spirit that matters, that is an achievement carefully wrought by the hand of God.

God doesn't give anything but good, but he will allow Satan to rough us up a bit (or a lot) if we give him any kind of invitation into our lives. Satan is the prince of this fallen world, and he's sneaky, insidious and powerful (all to often masquerading as a really fun, enormously compelling companion). But you don't need to fear him, because Christ's sacrifice on the cross has overcome the world and Satan is a defeated prince awaiting his day on the gallows. And he's pissed and hoping to take as many others along with him as he can.

But you know better, or you will. You have ol' pointy-ears' number and his address. (Not Spock, you guys! Get a Life! hee hee hee)

We are living in days of grace. You will stumble, and fall, and get into the muck and the mire even after you give your life to God... But here's the thing: each day you love him more, you will stumble less. There will be a Lamp that lights the way so that you can see the stumbling points before you get to them, and it will be easier to avoid them. Your walk with God will ensure this, and the trek, in tandem with the Holy Spirit (paraclete), will be an adventure, not a tedious, treacherous, or fearful journey -- and as an added perk, it will be a long way from boring!

As long as you stay under the Blood and do your best to foster Light in the world and live by that Light, you will be victorious along the way and in the end.

I Believe In the Sun...Love...God...

Every day I walk by a plaque

in my condo that reads:

I believe in the sun

even when it's not shining

I believe in love

even when I don't feel it

I believe in God

even when He is silent

It's easy for us to believe in the sun when it's not shining, because we have seen and experienced the sun. It's easy for us to believe in love when we aren't feeling loved or loving, because we have felt love before and know we will again. Sunshine and love aren't alien to us.

In the same way, it's easy to believe in God when we have had an undeniable experience of his presence-- a visitation, a vision, an angel intervention, or simply a prayer connection that leaves us weeping with love that cannot be expressed regarding our ability to connect one-on-one with Abba Father, who made the universe and seeks, with enormous passion, our ear, our devotion, and our partnership.

Those who have met God up close and personal see him in sunshine and in love. They see him on their way to work in the morning, and all during work; on their way to Wal-Mart and on their way to a hospital in a screaming ambulance. To a faithful man, God is revealed in every direction he looks and in every circumstance .

In the recent movie AMAZING GRACE, Prime Minister Pitt is lying on his deathbed. His longtime friend William Wilberforce is called to his side one last time.

Pitt confides to Wilberforce, "I'm scared."

Wilberforce is taken aback, surprised. He asks his dying friend, "Of what?"

He cannot understand. He is a man of faith. What he knows of death is not fearful; it is glorious!

Pitt then confesses, "I wish I had your faith" -- and means it, down to the marrow in his bones.

Hearing that hurt me. I thought, "Lying on one's deathbed is hardly the time to wish for the faith of a faithful man!"

I suppose a pertinent question from a man or woman lacking faith might be, "How do I go about procuring the faith of the faithful?"

The answer is laughably simple...

You get it the way you get anything else that's of value to you: You go after it! You seek it, you track it in places where you are most likely to find it. You seek after it, thirst for it, study it, devour information about those who have it."

Some obtain faith the way I did: an invitation is sent by God that is so incongruous and so out-of-ordinary-context and befuddling that you are seduced into tracking the scent to its source. (See earlier blog for my testimony.)

But please don't wait for an invitation. The invitation has already been sent and people have been RSVP'ing in droves for two thousand years from all corners of the earth.

If you will simply RSVP you will learn and embrace the faith of the faithful.

Understand one thing: God is not a gate crasher. He is pretty quiet most of the time. You're most likely to hear him in a quiet place when the television and radio are turned off and you are either by yourself or with another seeker.

Seek and you will find. Ask and you will receive. Knock and the door will be opened.

It's Biblical, straight from God, so you can believe it! He doesn't lie!

I will show you a typical first prayer. But first, Relax! A prayer is simply a conversation with a loving Father who already knows exactly how you feel. (Yeah, he created the Universe and everything in it, too, but forget about that for right now or it will intimidate you.) He knows you're taking a tentative first step, like a toddler, and that you don't know quite what you're doing yet... and He's fine with that! He wants you to try, the way an earthbound father reaches out to his son or daughter and encourages their first steps toward him. Have faith that he loves you enough to "catch" you even if you say something really stupid (in retrospect)!

"Father God, it's hard for me to talk to you like you're really there. I'm not really sure you exist, so this feels pretty silly. But I do know that billions of people already believe in you and their obvious and continuing joy in this increasingly frightening world intrigues and compels me to find out what they know that keeps them feeling hopeful and loving. Please make yourself known to me. I admit that asking you for anything while not yet really believing completely in you makes me feel like I am wobbling on holy ground, not worthy even to ask. But I'm asking. Please reveal to me over time your presence in the world and in my life. Thank you for sending Jesus to pay the penalty for sins I have committed, whether willfully or unwittingly. I want to know you more. Amen."

Then get The Message (a contemporary idiomatic translation of the Bible by Eugene Peterson) or the New Living Translation of the Bible (or both), and a Life Application Study Bible in the version you like best, along with LEARN THE BIBLE IN 24 HOURS by Chuck Missler.

Next, program one of your radio stations to a Christian music station and listen to the lyrics and make it a plan to listen as though the words were true. (Many Christian lyrics come right out of the Bible, so they are the Word of God in a literal sense.)

And then, every Sunday for two months, go to a different church, sit in the back pew and just listen. Keep moving from church to church until you find the one you absolutely CANNOT bear to miss the following week, and go again. If you feel hooked after three or four sessions, that will be your church for a good long time, possibly forever. That's where to start a Bible study with other seekers. Don't be intimidated. None of them are better than you.

If you do any or all of the above, chances are very good that you will not find yourself on your deathbed one day fearfully telling a friend, "I wish I had your faith..."

You will have your own, bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus!

"That's not very damn' funny..." -- Dr. McCoy, Star Trek III The Search for Spock

I am going to swallow hard before I tell you what happened today because if I don't I could go into a tirade and chew someone a new anal apperture. I must chill. "Nobody's perfect."

That said.... I will keep this light and funny because the alternative is too blue with words unbefitting a born-again soul.

I have a new job, and a new insurance plan. Because I do, I can no longer see one of the doctors I was seeing because she is out of plan and it would cost me more. She has been providing one of the two medications I take -- neither of which are earth-shaking: I think almost every other woman I know of my age is on one of them or the other.

When she first put me on this drug (I think it's an ACE inhibitor but am not sure) I began to cough for no reason and went to a throat doctor who asked me if I was on any new medications. I said yes, and told him which one. "Bingo!" he said. "Call your doctor and get it changed to one that doesn't have a side effect of making some people cough." So I did that and all was well.

This was three years ago.

Toward the tail end of last year (probably September/October) I received a letter from the doctor who gave me the first and subsequent drug (or my medical insurance plan, I don't recall which) telling me that the drug was falling off the formulary due to cost and that another, less expensive, substitute would be provided next time I had to refill the prescription. I thought nothing of it.

And started coughing again. For no reason.

Then after I got tired of it again, wondering why it wasn't going away, I asked myself, "What did I find out the last time this happened and I had all those tests?" Ah-ha!!!!

So I called my doctor and reminded her that I can't take this particular drug because it makes me cough -- "So when my prescription runs out, in five days, please put me back on the drug that didn't make me cough, or on some other one that doesn't make me cough." And I told her I now have another insurance plan, by the way.

Oh, she said, my services don't fall under that plan, so you will have to see my colleague who takes your plan and get the new prescription from him. You can meet with him March 26th but before that you need to have blood work and a urinalysis done because it has been quite some time since these have been done and we can't prescribe a new drug until we see you. (My primary care doctor has ordered and reviewed all these tests within the past four months, but I guess they don't count...)

I said, "Fine. I will get the labs done this Thursday." She said, "Fine. I will put the order in with your primary care physician this afternoon." (This was on my birthday, Monday, March 5th.)

So this morning I drank 32 ounces of water (preparation for the urinalysis, so I'd have something to contribute to the urine test, you see) and drove to the lab. I was there just as the door opened and got checked in. I was the first one in but the fourth one called, so by now my bladder is about to burst.

They finally called my name, and I went in and they said, "Kris Smith?" and I said, "Yes?" thinking perhaps now would be a good time to keep my legs crossed until they could hand me a cup, and they said, "We don't have any orders here for you."

I spoke slowly... in disbelief.... "You - don't - have - any - orders - for - me?"

"No, we don't."

"None?!"

"None."

They said, "Just a minute. Let me call your doctor."

I said, "That would be doctors -- my primary care physician at this facility and Dr. _______
from _________________"

They called. Of course, at 7:30 in the morning no one was in at either place. "I'm sorry," the lady told me. "I will call them as soon as they get in and get this corrected, but it won't be until 8:30 or 9:00."

I had taken time off a brand new job, on a short-staffed day, to get these test done so the results would for sure be back before the date of my appointment with the new doctor so I could get meds and stop coughing....

So I left... oh, I peed before I left. NOT on their rug... although it was tempting as all get out...

I did a slow burn all the way to work. I would be coughing for three more weeks now, because even though I'll go in again tomorrow for the tests, they won't be run until Monday or Tuesday or sometime next week and I can't get the prescription changed until the results come back... and I can't get the present prescription filled because my current physician probably can't give me a 16 day supply until she, too, sees some lab results... because that's why lifetime meds have refill dates... so docs can monitor changes in their patients (and rake in big bucks for tests and co-pays and insurance...)

But I'm getting ticked again....

So I got back to work and phoned BOTH doctors when their practices opened. Very deliberately -- NOT nastily, but very assertively and deliberately -- so there was no doubt that I had been IN-CON-VEE-NEE-EN-CED, and my place of work had been inconvenienced, and would be again tomorrow because of this "oversight" (F.U.B.A.R.) on their part... I explained:

I was unable to get my tests

I need a refill on my present prescription by Saturday or I need to be able to stop taking it

I need someone to correct these issues with all deliberate speed

and... furthermore and to the point:

I was extremely miffed that I would have to take more time off work tomorrow from a new job where I am desperately needed right now to jump through their hoops a second time just to have a freakin' prescription changed that they should have been aware would make me cough!

And I gave both practices my work phone number so they could call me back and CONFIRM absolutely that the orders will be there when I go in tomorrow for the lab tests -- you know, the lab tests that should have been completed today when I came in...

The specialist doctor's staff swore that she faxed the orders on Monday, March 5th, the moment she got off the phone with me (which she had told me she was going to do the day we talked); my primary care physician's assistant just as assertively swore that she did not receive the orders, and did not know any were coming in for me, so didn't even know to look for them... and anyway, I could have gotten the "usual" tests for my thyroid levels because these are "standing orders" and there is always an order in for these whenever I walk in the door. (I told her she might want to check that out, because the lab worker said she had NO orders for me from either doctor...)

So now I wonder where the orders for the urinalysis and blood work went and who has information about me that they have no right to... so much for HIPAA!

But BOTH promised to talk to each other and to get their stuff together all the while assuring me in soothing tones that I can go in tomorrow feeling utterly confident that I will be able to pee for them and get my blood taken in abundance for every test I need in order to get a substitute prescription that will not make me cough...

So I felt responded to, and all seemed well and I felt confident.

Then I got home tonight and there is a phone message from my primary care physician's nurse asking me to call her... and of course their office is closed by this time of night when I return home...

So I can't call until 8:30 tomorrow morning, which is an hour after the time I'm supposed to be at the lab for testing...

So I am again concerned and a wee bit unstrung. They have my work number... I was there all day long... they were calling me there today... and they leave this cryptic, zero information message on my answering machine at home for me to find after quitting time.

All I can say is the message from my doctor's nurse better have been left early this morning, before we talked and after they found out there were no lab orders for me... because if they are calling me to tell me NOT to go in for tests tomorrow morning, I am going to go postal when I get there tomorrow, and you will find me in a rubber room tomorrow at this time and there will be no more blogs until I serve my term...

Doctor McCoy would never treat a patient this way. I should've stayed with him in Starfleet...

Be Safe -- Keep Yourself "Alarmed"

GREAT IDEA: Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get into your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until you turn it off or the car battery dies.

Test areas of the house first to see if there is an area that the alarm will not activate from the key ring. It will go off from almost anywhere inside your home and your vehicle will continue honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works in your driveway or in your garage.

If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break in your house, odds are the burglar or rapist won't stick around. After a few seconds all your neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and a criminal won't want that.

And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there.

......................................................................................................

I came, I saw, I shopped.

Last night I drove over to Michael's Arts and Crafts just before it closed and bought a bunch of card-making crafts -- stamps, wire mesh, ink pens... Jackie went overboard on the gift card. I will have to go overboard on the thank-you card I send her to express my gratitude...

Tonight I went to Wal-Mart and bought two small fans, plus a wee personal fan that I can hang around my neck when I get overly warm at work, and two new pillows and pillow cases with the card my nephew and niece gave me for turning 56. I got something like Gatorade, too, because they were running a sale and I was hot and thirsty (hence three fans...and by now I'm water-logged, to boot!)

I still have a Borders card that someone gave me at work. (Only one of the gifts at work had the name of the giver attached to it, so I am unable to identify the Borders gift giver.) I'll take that for a drive soon and get something wonderful with it, too...

Today I was chewing on a couple of Milk Duds at work and pulled one of the caps off a back tooth, so tomorrow at 7 a.m. I will be in a dentist's chair having it reattached. I am contemplating sending the candy maker the bill. I didn't know those things were cap-stealers. Shouldn't there be a warning on the box? "Caution: Chew at your own risk if the dentition presently in your mouth did not come from the hand of God in your sixth or seventh year of life."

My semi-annual dental cleaning is scheduled for next Tuesday but, with a little bit of luck, perhaps I can get that taken care of tomorrow, too, so I don't have to take time from work next week. I'll see if I can beg really cute after the cap is firmly attached again. If begging doesn't work, perhaps as I leave the building I'll trip someone on the way in who's scheduled for the hygienist at the time I could be having it done if he or she weren't scheduled for it. (My sense of humor is not born again. It's still the same sick thing it has always been... fodder for the Comedy Central Channel - Hades Campus.) (Shame on me!)

I was in a dentist chair one time for another "trauma" malady. I had been chewing on a salty snack and either chipped a tooth or tore loose another (or the same) cap. When the dentist asked me what had caused the trouble, I quite honestly reported, "I was eating corn nuts." His mouth twisted into a pruny-looking knot as he contemplated the information and then he drily offered his professional opinion: "You may as well chew gravel, for all the difference it makes to your teeth." I almost wet myself laughing -- and I have never chewed corn nuts since.

I suppose now I will have to swear off Milk Duds as well. The Golden Years are beginning to lose their allure. Guess I'll have to gum Thin Mints or pudding from now on!

Birthday Bummer...But There's Always Hope!

My aunt in Oregon has been moved to a nursing home (or an Adult Family Home) there, so advocating for her will be nigh unto impossible unless she recovers and can be moved closer. It's a four-patient home, not an impersonal institution, so that part of it feels right...

She just waited too long to get things underway, as so many older folks do. I might be the same way if I get to 93. It's hard to decide to make a change as long as one is ambulatory and independent. We tend to think we'll get by as we always have, just a wee bit slower than usual...

I'm relieved that she is no longer by herself. My cousin will pick up her cat and care for him or get him cared for; that is her chief concern. And if he needs to move her out of the rental and send her furniture and personal belongings into storage, he will. It's lucky to have a cousin who is already retired at age 53; he can drop everything and be a hero. I just started this new job and we're allowing vacations for several people right now, so getting away right now is impossible.

As Bette Davis so aptly spoke: "Getting old ain't for sissies."

Today was busy at work. That's the norm, of course (and another reason I like it so much), but today was busier than usual because three people are on vacation, including the head copywriter, so there's more to stay atop for the writers than usual. I think my "roomie" at work is carrying the lion's share of the extra load, though. I'm still the newbie and have enough on my plate generally just to stay caught up with the needs of "my" clients. As I can, I help elsewhere, because I truly work with wonderful, dedicated people and we all care about each other. It's a great team!

I didn't get out to Wal-Mart or Michael's tonight. Will try to do it tomorrow. Those gift cards are burning a hole in my wallet! I have plans for those cards...

Our older sis Laurel got us hooked on card-making (using stamps, watercolors, appliques and such) Christmas before last. That's why the Michael's gift card resonates with me so. I get most of my card-making supplies there.

She got Jackie and me gifts of a two-hour stamping class in Olympia and we've gone into it to the tune of several hundred dollars each. At the price of a card these days, I suppose the expense will balance out... except that I tend to send e-cards these days because the cost of cards and stamps is so high. NEVERTHELESS, I love making cards. It relaxes me. I've come up with some pretty nifty ideas, too. Does anyone else out there in blog-land enjoy scrapbooking or card-making?

Laurel wanted to get me a massage as a gift last year. I said, "No way!" Gads, if I liked that as much as I like stamping, I'd have to declare bankruptcy-- because -- duh! -- guess what? I probably would like it, even though I'm not much of a sensualist...

Besides, at my age getting massaged would embarrass me. I have too much skin in places where it shouldn't be (having lost over 100 pounds in a year's time several years after the elasticity of my skin was a happening thing) -- and appendages that gravity has really hammered.

And that's more information than you really need to know about me, so I'm shutting up for the rest of the evening and pondering what kind of message to bring to this blog tomorrow.

It won't be about massages or appendages, I promise!

Sunday Evening Soliliquy

Just got back from dinner at my sister's (Jackie) and her son and daughter in law (my nephew and niece) and their two daughters. Casey's Dad computer-generated a Happy Birthday banner for me with a serval on one end and Dr. McCoy on the other (does he have my number, or what?); Casey drew in hearts and clouds and rainbows and "I love you's" in between (does she have me wrapped around her little finger, or what?). I brought it home tonight and taped it above the entryway to my den. It will be there a very long time, as will the double-heart card Casey made for me. (I placed it on the refrigerator door.)

I'm wearing the necklace Casey selected for me and tomorrow after work will head to Wal-Mart and Michael's Arts and Craft Store to spend the money in the gift cards that Sis Jackie and my nephew and niece gave me. Such pleasurable anticipation!

After church this morning I went to see AMAZING GRACE again to be sure I wasn't imagining how powerful it was. I wasn't. It captured me all over again. It's a true masterpiece. I don't think I've ever seen a movie better constructed than this one. Every scene is captivating. The audience is invited into the time period almost by what feels like a time warp. It all seems so real, so immediate. This is a period movie that transcends the ages. I can't recommend it highly enough, and please go see it while it's in the theaters, because the effect of "being there" will be lost in a home viewing, I fear. The tall ship sequences are riveting; I can't imagine them having the same effect on a smaller screen...

One of the people I work with at On-Hold Concepts told me this week that her mother told her they are descendants of John Newton, who wrote the hymn AMAZING GRACE. John Newton was a former slave ship captain who was born again, repented of his ways and became a monk. He was instrumental in encouraging William Wilberforce to fight the slave trade... I hope his descendant (my co-worker) sees the movie because she will get a look at someone whose blood is flowing through her veins... and she will be proud... and she will never hear AMAZING GRACE again without feeling something stir within her that will be unutterably magnificent.

One of the best lines in the movie is his. In fact, every line in the movie that is his -- actor Albert Finney's -- is monumental. He will win Best Supporting Actor next year, I predict.

In the scene, Newton, now blind, is having a scribe transcribe his "confession of crimes" against African humanity (to aid Wilberforce in his battle in Parliament to end the slave trade) when Wilberforce comes to visit. Newton dismisses his scribe and begins to crumble emotionally because the recounting has finally allowed him to weep (rather than to continue to try to run from the ghosts of slaves that have accompanied so many of his waking moments for decades). At one point he says... but, no... I'm not going to spoil it for you. Go see the movie. You'll know the line I'm referring to the moment he speaks it. It begins with: "I know two things. I am a great sinner, and ---"

Take a hanky. This is not a movie you will be able to sit through dry-eyed. Not even the second time!

I would like to invite you to visit my church, Church For All Nations (CFAN), either in person if you're local, or virtually, by logging onto www.churchforallnations.org. Once at the website, if you go to the Multimedia radio button and then click on the Video Format button, you will be able to view the past three weeks' sermons by Pastor Bill Wolfson. He's always super great, but sometimes he's absolutely grand. By logging on, you will be able to check him out without leaving home. Give it a try. If you like it/him, make the CFAN website a favorite and keep coming back for more! Let me know what you think...

There isn't much else to report today, so I'll let you go for now.

Promise Yourself...

“Promise Yourself ...

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind...

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,

and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.”
-- Drawn from the Optimist Creed of the Optimist International Club --

I ran across the above (abbreviated) creed again this morning. I used to have the entire creed on my wall or in a journal or notebook. (If it's in a journal I still have it somewhere, but I have over 200 journals. A family archaeologist may uncover it one day.)

I think I'll check into joining Optimist Club International. I reckon their ranks are dwindling in the wake of terror attacks, environmental disasters and degradation, and other inconvenient and troubling facts of life, but I remain hopeful and would love to hook up with others who are remaining positive.

Pessimists too often just sit and stew and grumble and gripe, or when they do take action can make things worse than the problem they are tackling. Optimists actually believe they can do something to create positive change. Martin Luther King Jr. was an optimist. You can create a list of pessimists yourself; it'll be quite long, I imagine.

Optimism has its foundation in love. Perhaps optimism is an unheralded spiritual blessing, now that I consider the possibility. It's hope-based; and you can't have hope unless your mind is bathed in a perspective that fosters it, and just such a perspective is benevolence. Benevolence is love in action. Benevolence believes you can meet somewhere in the middle of any disagreement and find a reason to shake hands rather than draw swords.

"I am an eternal optimist who daily lifts my head to the heartbeat of human existence." I think I remember this quote correctly.

I have always been this way. Had I not been optimistic, scars from early life would have built, layer upon layer, to such thicknesses that I would have been irreversibly crippled. (I was seriously compromised until I was born again in 1999, I do know that much as fact.)

There has always been a spark within that said, "You're okay. You're good. You're beloved. You matter."

I remember an old Jules Pfeiffer cartoon (did I get the artist's name right?) that showed a baby boy sitting on his fanny in diapers, having just fallen down. The bubble over his head said, "I fall down. I get back up." The next panel showed the same boy, five years older perhaps. He's on the ground beside a bike laying on its side. The bubble over his head said, "I fall down. I get back up." The next panel shows him as a teenager, and he's looking sad, as though he has a broken heart, perhaps having broken up with a girlfriend. The bubble says, "I fall down. I get back up." A later panel shows the same boy, now a man, very riled, very mad, shaking his fist. The bubble reveals: "You haven't laid a glove on me! I'll get back up!" A couple panels later, there's a tombstone in a graveyard, revealing that the boy, by now an old man, has died. And the bubble above the final panel reads, "I lie there. Pretending to be hurt."

That's an optimist. That's what I hope people see in me: an effervescent, sometimes defiant optimist. The world needs optimists. The pessimists are making things difficult for everyone around them, and the pessimism reverberates across the globe.

But just think of enthusiastic optimists like Steve Irwin, Mother Teresa, Julia Child and Albert Schweitzer. Just bringing them to mind generates a smile on my face. These folks are dead, but far from gone. Their optimism and love remain alive and robust in our hearts.

Optimism is pessimism's match, every day. I cherish the belief that optimism is even superior, not just pessimism's opposite.

Keep the faith. Life is a gift. Time is a treasure. Tell someone you love them.

"Happy Proximity To Birthday" To Me....

I had to open birthday cards and gifts three days early today!

At noon my co-worker compatriots set out a spread of homemade food that was utterly scrumptious, then Marlene (also celebrating a birthday in a day or two) and I were handed wicker baskets filled with all kinds of smile-inducing Marlene- and Kris- specific gifts.

Marlene is a twin and is accustomed to sharing birthdays. Birthdays have always embarrassed me to wits' end, so it was great to have everyone's attention divided. (Guess I shoulda been a twin!)

Even as a kid, birthdays were so traumatic that I must have blocked all memory of them from my mind, because while I remember several birthday parties thrown for my sisters, I don't recall a single one of my own.

I must've had 'em, because Mom didn't play favorites... I must've burst a blood vessel and stroked out from the horror of it all.

I have never enjoyed being singled out, even when it was a good thing. I must be a herd animal... there is comfort in being viewed as just one of the bunch, you know?

Am I the only ham with a shy side? Probably not...

What prompted me to become such an oxymoron (a shy show-off) was my upbringing. Mom and Dad said I was originally their little "sparkler," their own genetic rendition of Shirley Temple. I would happily and frequently dance, sing, jump, wiggle and in all other ways entertain -- to the point where they became concerned that I was significantly too far "beyond the norm" to be well-tolerated. So they set about to "normalize" me. (Try normalizing a tornado sometime. There's bound to be damage.)

Somehow during this "taming," there must have been some "shaming," because at some point during the process I began to think that there was something intrinsically "wrong" with me. Whenever I would express myself fully (I am a high-decibel, full-tilt enthusiast in unguarded moments even to this day), I must have been thwarted, corrected, seriously convinced (yeow!) to knock it off. I remember a frequent comment: "Keep it to a dull roar!"

All I know is that by the time I started kindergarten, I was so painfully aware of my unspecified- but-intrinsic shortcomings that I wasn't able to interact in normal ways with non-family members. Even when my cousin Tim, three years my junior, would come over to play and then would go away for lunch, when he returned I was shy all over again.

Mom, of course, didn't see this. (She was probably just relieved that I had settled down!) My little sister knew it; she saw me tucked into the corner of a building during recess and tried to get me to come out and play, but had very little luck.

Being "broken to saddle" in this way is probably why I became a writer from the moment a teacher showed me how to string words together in third or fourth grade. Turns out I had plenty to say, but not enough courage to come out with anything "spunky" or "outstanding" in public!

It was in sixth grade that my teacher, Mrs. Choyce, recognized a fledgling writer in her midst. I had written a Roy Rogers tale and shared it with her. She thought it was so noteworthy that she decided to read it to the rest of my classmates. (Can you believe I am beginning to perspire as I recall this unconscionable treason?!) I was utterly traumatized, forced to sit there and endure the recitation of my cowboy fantasy. I wanted to melt and run under somebody's shoe...

I didn't see any benefit to being singled out. In fact, I assumed an opposite response -- not a benefit, but a disaster! The kids would think of me as some kind of freak -- or teacher's pet -- or they would find out I idolized Roy Rogers, or they would be jealous or... Heaven only knows what might happen, but I was pretty sure it couldn't be anything good!

All I knew for sure was, I was very glad my teacher liked the story but very sad that she had decided to read it to the class!

It didn't take me long to realize that I would not be able to function in the world if I retained this wallflower persona. When I was ten or eleven I forced myself to take debate, drama and public speaking. It was hell -- I sometimes thought I might die as I waited my turn to present.

It finally occurred to me that if I would simply raise my hand or stand up and volunteer to speak FIRST, the trauma would last far less long, and there would be no prior speaker to compare me to, a win-win situation (plus, I'd earn points for bravery!).

Procrastination is not an issue to this day. If I fear doing something, or don't want to do something, I usually do it right away, so I can get it off the agenda. Waiting to do something I'm not looking forward to doing just compounds the problem, adds to the psychic burden, and ticks me off.


Over time, the white-knuckle aspects of these formerly tension-inducing exercises subsided and my speaking grades became B+s and A's... and... I began to look at "facing my fears" in the same way a lot of people ride on roller coasters or go bungee jumping. I now view any remaining public speaking anxieties as "race-horse-at-the-starting-gate energy" rather than as crippling fears.

Look what the mere mention of a birthday party dredged up!

I suppose you want to know what was in the basket. While my cat Ashley rattles the cellophane that surrounded and contained the treasures, I will reach in and extract them one by one and tell you about them:

A wonderful birthday card signed by the whole gang, with wonderful, warm, fun and funny sentiments.

A book, The Magic of Peanut Butter (a Skippy Peanut Butter publication) -- 100 New and Favorite Recipes using peanut butter (yum!)

dark chocolate covered cherries (yes!)

special edition hot chocolate (yes!)

sunburst-shaped large candle holder (lovely!)

Catzilla salt and pepper shakers (purr-fect!)

a gift card for Borders (yes!)

Tres Kitten note cards and envelopes (paws-itively purrescious)

bee bar lotion (zzzzzzzzzzuper!)

a book mark: "Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be." Grandma Moses :)

flamingo note pad :)

lady bug clock keychain (adorable)

very wee ceramic kitty in a ceramic kitty bed (cute!)

and last... but not least.... a candle with a scent like red cinnamon candies (*aaaww*)


Then after work my little sister Jackie and I linked up with our big sister Laurel in Olympia and "LoLo" (that's how Jackie and I said "Laurel" as kids.... so we dust it off at times like these) bought us a wonderful to-die-for dinner at a marvelous restaurant. I haven't had food that good in a restaurant in decades...

But do you think that was all? The pre-birthday continues...

I got a great card from Annie in Aussie Land with a delightful cat on the front. Another came from Nogopiano (Nancy Graf) with a beagle on it (of course) wishing me a happy day when it gets here... (ahem....)

And a package came for me from a Colorado "sister-in-spirit" Margot. Yes, I opened it! I'm on a roll tonight! Did you think I could STOP after the day I've had? Not on your life!


"Marmot" sent me four Aussie wildlife warrior bracelets (Annie, she's stealing your stuff! ), a DVD of a PBS Nature special, the final Steve Irwin show, and a Tribute to Steve...
Along with a DVD of the movie Seabiscuit (wheee!), some coupons for my cats (they thank her!) and a Seashore tote that is just precious.

I have been so spoiled today that my actual birthday is bound to be an anticlimax! And that's just fine with me! As stated earlier... I don't "do" birthdays... except when they are thrust upon me by well-wishing, wonderful friends (and family) like all those who contributed today!

May God bless you and prosper all of you!

What, Exactly, is an Atheist?

OK, so it turns out that my "athiest" TREK friend isn't, after all (isn't an athiest, that is. He's still a TREK friend, and always will be!)

His comments are espoused by many, many people. Since I'm not identifying him, I don't think it will violate his privacy to reprint his email here:


I think Gary Sinise would be a good choice to play the good doctor!

RE: Religion. I was raised Protestant, and I went to Catholic school for five years. (We even sent our oldest son to Catholic school for three years.) So, I know religion well, and respect the message, but to me the message is what is lost these days [emphasis mine].

When we have a president who claims that God told him to invade Iraq, well...

Not that I'm a scientist or anything, but I've never felt or experienced any compelling evidence for the existence of God or gods. My mother will probably never forgive me for this, but I'm quite happy without religion in my life.

But I understand its place in others' lives. I think it provides solace, contemplation and focus for some. But I've always liked talking about religion, and finding out what people believe or don't believe, and why. I even studied it in college. It fascinates me.

Personally, if people just studied the Sermon on the Mount, and tried to live accordingly, the world would be a better place. [emphasis mine]


My response to him was this:

Amen at all you said! Bush qualifies as an antichrist to me!

Religion (it means "return to bondage) utterly disgusts me. It's the personal relationship I find amazing, unfathomable and utterly, utterly irresistible.

I got'cha and I love ya!

Religion has obtained a very bad name for many good reasons!

...........................................................................................................................................

To elaborate: I find President Bush a very poor representative of a Christian. I pray for him, don't get me wrong -- the Bible instructs us to pray for our leaders -- but mostly I pray for him to get a clue! If he's hearing "attack Iraq" from God, I am concerned...

He probably heard "support the oil industry at the expense of everyone else, give Halliburton all the perks, etc." from God, too. Claiming that certainly gives him a spiritual bouquet of additional authority he doesn't possess as President.

But please, oh, please don't get me started on El Presidente. I want to be positive in all ways always. I urge those of you who don't believe he is good for the country or the world to pray that he will get a major wake up call from God the way Saul of Tarsus (who became the Apostle Paul) did. That's a loving way to change things. He's lost in space; I'm sure his Shepherd is actively working to beam him back. So give your ire a break and turn to loving thoughts instead. Just sitting and stewing, or throwing barbs, is not going to do anything but make the bile in your ducts back up and cause toxic waste in your body.

It's no secret or surprise that Bush isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. That said, I think if any of us sat down with him and held a civil tongue in our mouth while we sat there, we would probably like him. People in politics don't get very far unless they are likeable as human beings.

And I think that if we sat down with him we would find a man who truly believes in everything he is doing (which is what makes him so scary to me). He isn't, I don't think, an evil man. I think he's a deluded man, as Saddam Hussein was deluded and as Osama bin Ladin is deluded. These men all think the end justifies the means. With leaders like these, with followers like these men have, we can expect more of the same: eye-for-an-eye, a tooth-for-a-tooth status quo.

And no, I don't have any answers for how to tackle the issue of terrorism. I'm not a pacifist or an appeaser by nature. But when the official response is equal and even superior cruelty and compounded numbers of dead on all sides, I feel my spirit crying out, "Whoa!" I object to mega-retaliation and sorrow over it nearly as much as I objected to and sorrowed over the ghastly sight of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon being attacked.

We live in a fallen world. Have you noticed?