Stuff and Such....

Advance Notice: I won’t be blogging Saturday, probably. I will be hosting the On-Hold Concepts booth (learn more about us at www.onholdconcepts.com) from 4:30 to 8 o’clock Saturday evening at UPFest (University Place Festival) at Wilson High School. At 8 p.m. the fabulous Drifters are playing LIVE, so I may remain for that as well. It should be a mildly warm evening (75 degrees) and lots of fun, blowing up balloons for kids and smiling at passersby. There won’t be any selling – just a demonstration for folks who want to pick up a headset and listen to samples of the product. We’re mainly there as a presence to let folks know we’re local and accessible, not only active nationwide!

This will be my first booth experience for On-Hold Concepts. I’m looking forward to it! I’ve had a number of booth experiences at fair and arts and crafts fairs… usually the shifts are a lot longer, but we have a lot of co-worker volunteers at OHC so none of us have to be there for an extended shift unless we want to be there longer.

I’ve been having peaceful dreams – a wee bit unexpected, this close to a large public appearance. Bobbie’s shalom dove must be working overtime; and all your prayers are helping, for sure!

I sure wish my parents had not (inexpertly) introduced “correction of personality” into my psyche. As mentioned in an earlier blog (much earlier!), I was born their little sparkler, their Shirley Temple – much like my grand niece Lizzie. (That girl doesn’t have a shy bone in her body, and I hope she never develops one, because shyness limits unless you fight it tooth and nail.) But because I was so unlike Mom and Dad, they thought something was “wrong” with me and tried to “tame” me – and it really has crippled me in a lot of ways since then. But
it’s good in one way: at least I can empathize with others who have the same malady and can encourage them and let them know it ain’t fatal to face your fear and DO IT ANYWAY!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

*aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*

This afternoon my kiwi arrived from New Zealand, compliments of Helen Schofield. For a flightless bird, "Helen"(I named her after -- guess who!) sure did get here FAST! And she is utterly adorable. I expected her to be made of fabric, like a toy, but she's made of very solid material and is "clothed" in some kind of critter fur -- don't know if it's real fur or not (might be rabbit fur), but in case it is, Helen is off-limits to the cats. I have placed her on a high shelf above my computer monitor. She's just cuter'n anything you can imagine...

THANK YOU, HELEN!!!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Well, now I'm going to log off and practice, practice, practice -- or at least listen, listen, listen to my presentation. Have to re-record it first, though, because I made a few minor changes...

(Like I say, I will never "finish" this presentation... I will just "surrender" it on August 11th at 10:05!)

The Countdown Begins!!! Alternating Currents...

Ooh-whee! It won’t be long now! I feel like singing one of John Denver’s signature songs:

All my bags are packed (well, not quite, but some are shipped!)
I’m ready to go…

I have a serious case of race horse nerves, standing inside a starting gate all a’twitter, being expected to wait until the “fence” swings open so I can run.

That’s really all this is. I’m ready. I’m willing. I’m able. And I wish I were already doing it so I could have it over with and have the rest of the weekend to relax and visit and hug folks. THAT’LL be MY “rose wreath!”

Writers love to write but many – if not most – are not as crazy about public speaking. My goal is to ENJOY it -- sooner rather than later, and the more I do it, the better I will like it and the sooner I will know how to relax and just share and have fun. I’m “rehearsing” sharing and having fun during these final days. It comes naturally to me one-on-one… so it’s definitely not beyond my grasp.

I’m a pretty good public speaker –just a nervous one (well-disguised from the audience, they tell me). I have a real fear of looking ridiculous, which is why I’m “photogenic” in front of a camera – I’d much rather try to “look the part” than duck, weave, frown, throw my hand up between myself and a camera, or upchuck. “Notoriety” is not native to me. I’d rather be in the shadows creating something dynamite to read rather than trying to look like dynamite myself.

It’s a pickle!

But I’m gathering up all my resources – emotional, physical, spiritual – and am going through with it. I keep my commitments – even the nutty ones – and boy was this a nutty one!

God bless you, Adam and Gary, for your faith in me. I won’t let you down. This presentation has been several months in the making and the memories were several decades in the living… so LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

On other fronts…

Sorry, I can see no other fronts right now. I am FOCUSED to the point of DISTRACTION – HA HA HA. Sounds like an oxymoron to me!

I could sing, walk, sleep to distract myself.


Gads, I’m waaaayyyy more unsettled about this than I was about having major surgery last year! That’s because in major surgery I didn’t have to do anything but show up! In this instance, I have to show up and be a “star.” Gulp… What is wrong with this picture? How did being friends with DeForest Kelley translate into giving speeches about him? Wasn’t the book SUFFICIENT?!

Guess not...


I will love it. I will love it. I will love it. I will love it. (Please note repeated affirmation... Fake it till you make it.)

All the people in Vegas in that room want to hear about De. Where else can I go and find this many people hanging on every word? NOWHERE!!!! It’s the perfect place to be – with other De fans! Might even sell some books. (Now there's an afterthought that encourages me!)

I will share. I will love it. During and after. God will see me through it.

Maybe I’ll take some Depends along, just in case….

Where I'm Going -- AWESOME!!!! I Want This Sung at my Funeral!

WHERE I'M GOING

by Brad Paisley

To hear this song, click here:

http://www.ziplo.com/WhereImGoing.html

Lyrics:

When I get where I'm going,

on the far side of the sky

The first thing that I'm gonna do,

is spread my wings and fly.

I'm gonna land beside a lion,

and run my fingers through his mane.

Or I might find out what it's like,

to ride a drop of rain.

Yeah when I get where I'm going,

there'll be only happy tears.

I will shed the sins and struggles,

I have carried all these years.

And I'll leave my heart wide open,

I will love and have no fear.

Yeah, when I get where I'm going,

don't cry for me down here.

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy,

and he'll match me step for step.

And I'll tell him how I missed him,

every minute since he left, then I'll hug his neck.

Yeah when I get where I'm going,

there'll be only happy tears.

I will shed the sins and struggles,

I have carried all these years.

And I'll leave my heart wide open.

I will love and have no fear.

Yeah when I get where I'm going,

don't cry for me down here.

So much pain and so much darkness,

in this world we stumble through.

All these questions I can't answer,

so much work to do.

But when I get where I'm going,

and I see my Maker's face.

I'll stand forever in the light,

Of His amazing grace.

Yeah when I get where I'm going,

there'll be only happy tears

Hallelujah

I will love and have no fear,

when I get where I'm going

don't cry for me down here!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"The call of death is a call of love.

Death can be sweet if we answer it in the affirmative,

if we accept it as one of the great eternal forms of life and transformation."
-- Hermann Hesse

Eagles Don't Flap, They Float!! Be an Eagle in God's Nest!

http://plantinghisseeds.com/articles/eagles.htm

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

And here's a wonderfully "controversial" article: Is There Sex in Heaven?

http://www.columbia.edu/cu/augustine/arch/sexnheaven.html

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Ponder some imponderables today, the way you did when you were a kid. It makes the world seem so fresh and alive and new again!

Friday-Saturday Blessings and Busy-ness...

What an amazing, positive-energy day it was yesterday at work!! It's quite nice nearly all the time at On-Hold Concepts (http://www.onholdconcepts.com/), but yesterday it seemed everyone on staff pulled out all the stops and went on a "blessing campaign." The ambiance was AMAZING -- truly like heaven on earth! I don’t know what caused it, but may it live long and prosper! It was just GREAT! I wonder if Chuck put something into the water or the ventilation system!

No. Just kidding. That wasn't it. I think the Holy Spirit just moved in and took over for the day!

Holy Spirit: Hello!? Calling all Christians! I'm supposed to be wherever you are every day! See what happens when you give Me free rein?"



Me: WAHOO!!!!

Holy Spirit: Ain't it GREAT!?!

Me: Amazing!

Holy Spirit and Me (in unison) Amazing grace... how sweet the sound...


When “shalom” (peace as only God can provide peace by His presence, power and blessing) moves in, all of the lesser-vibration emotions (anything this side of agape love) move out! It’s an amazing feeling. Truly. Like heaven on earth!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I can now spill a few beans. Bobbie tells me that what she and Joel sent me need not be kept a secret from Alison, because she didn't receive the same thing. In fact, I think Alison's is a humorous item, based on something she wrote in her blog. (I have no clue! I'm not privy to what it is.)

Therefore I shall now shout it from the rooftops: I am wearing a dove necklace from the Bobsteins! I just came home from Target with a gold chain for it. It will be on display around my neck at the convention! I LOVE IT!

It's a gold dove -- with small die-cut "holes" in it; the filigree look(?) (if I'm using that term properly; my dictionary is in a box in the garage until I sell the condo and move into a duplex) . But within those die cut spaces lie a wonderful surprise: When the dove is tipped slightly, the word "shalom," in Hebrew, can be read!

I'm going to wear it just above my cross necklace (which is on another gold chain) to church and to the convention and everywhere else I go. I'm not big on wearing jewelry -- considering myself pretty much a Plain Jane -- but these are now my two favorite pieces of jewelry and I am going to show them off!

THANK YOU AGAIN, JOEL AND BOBBIE! You really know how to reach me where I live!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Two weeks from now at this time, God willing, I will be at the Hilton and my "trial by fire" -- er, excuse me, I mean, my wonderful opportunity to share De with his fans -- will be over and I will be visiting non-stop with several friends I haven't seen in years and with a few friends I haven't even properly met yet -- as in, being in the same room with them: Alison, Billie Rae, Marge Duff. Marge and I were in the same auditorium at Valley Forge watching De, and I took her photo on stage with him and surprised her with it afterward via mail... but we will meet for the first time in Vegas. She sent me a recent picture and is all grown up -- and very lovely, to boot!

Gadzooks… I’m excited… and believing that my brain will “work on all thrusters” from the time I arrive to the time I speak and all weekend as I interface with “the gang” – Trek fans from EVERYWHERE!

Helen Schofield from New Zealand is sending me a stuffed kiwi. She says New Zealand natives are called kiwis and for her it’s appropriate right now… as she is “another flightless bird” who wishes she could make it to the convention! awwww… that is so sweet, and so sad … I will send her a videotape if I get one… or an earlier one, if I don’t.

We really need an angel to step up and offer to videotape my appearance. I will ask Phil to use his camera, but hate to do that. Billie Rae says she’ll run it for me but then she won’t be able to really relax and enjoy the hour.. she’ll be “working”… I don’t want to do that to her. But if I sit still on a stool on stage we could use a tripod and leave it running in one place…

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

This morning at 8 a.m. I drove to Maple Creek to clean Aunt Tod's room while she was downstairs at breakfast. She doesn't have the energy right now (in addition to being underweight and on dialysis, she is battling a painful urinary tract infection) so I offered to come over and spruce up her room, vacuum, and file away a stack of documents she has received (or brought with her from Oregon) since arriving here three months ago. It was a great pleasure to transform her cluttered habitat into a clean, ordered environment.

Then I ran to Wal-Mart and Safeway for her (she didn't feel like going along) and will transport her to dialysis and back this afternoon and evening because I can tell she's too compromised to have to sit and wait downstairs up to 45 minutes for the shuttle to arrive. (The shuttle rules dictate that passengers be waiting up to 45 minutes so the shuttle driver doesn't have to wait for anyone. That's hard enough to do when a person is middle-aged and healthy; for a 94 year old, underweight, dialysis-dependent woman, it's very difficult.) I told her to sleep until 2:45 and I will call and pick her up at 3:00 to deliver her across the street for dialysis for her 3:15 appointment. Then I'll go get her at 6:15 and have her home in time for a late dinner before she goes upstairs...

She is very appreciative, the way De was. It's always such a blessing to bless others, but when they bless you right back with such sweet verbal appreciation, it feels almost self-serving to help them! Believe me, there have been others who, no matter how much you do for them, it's never acknowledged, never enough and always lacking somehow. I pray for and honor home health care and other personal care assistants who do this day in and day out with all kinds of people, because it is a very difficult road to hoe when the people you serve are angry, critical, or just plain mean-spirited. Not all oldsters are sweet grannies and grampies, you know. Some are sour apples and grumpies! I am fortunate to have only had to serve ONE of the crab apples to date... The staff at Maple Creek loves my aunt and treats her very well. They treat everyone very well, or we wouldn't have placed her there, but AGAIN, I realize how tremendously difficult it can be to treat mean-spirited, angry people the way God would have us treat them... Caregivers don't make much money, so it truly has to be a calling for those who elect to stay with it. They are earth angels, for sure...

Please keep my friend from Vegas, Betty Mosher, in your prayers. She is a breast cancer survivor for many years now. Recently the doctor found a small, new cancer spot in her cecum (a part of her colon) and will be going after that soon. She also has gall stones or some other blockage (doctor doesn't think that one is cancer) making her uncomfortable, so she is hoping they can go after both culprits at the same time during one surgery. Let's pray. God knows what and where the issues are and He definitely wants her healthy. Let's pray that she will realize that her future (now and eternally) is in His Hands and that He wants to heal her...

Thanks!

My sister is in Cle Elum this weekend for her 35th class reunion! OUCH! That means my 40th is just two years away. Where does the time go?

Ciao for now!

That's all for now!

Bobbie and Joel Bobstein Strike Again!

I returned from work last night to find a small box sitting on my porch with an adorable return address label from the Bobsteins (you know, the folks who remembered my Mom on Mother's Day with the planting of a tree in Israel).

Now I can't tell you what it is right now, because in the main box were two small boxes -- one for me and one for Alison -- and if she is destined to receive the same gift, I don't want to spoil the surprise. But it is sufficient to say I couldn't be more tickled. I'm treasuring mine from now until eternity probably. It was sent to calm my nerves and surround me with "shalom" (God's peace) before, during and after the upcoming convention appearance, and has already begun its ministry.

I love it! Thanks, you two!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

No blog last night because Thursday was crafts night at church and I was invited to show people how to make greeting cards using stamps, appliques, stickers, and such. My table was quickly surrounded by people ages 8 to 68 (I'm guessing -- I didn't actually ask ages) and we spent 90 minutes stamping, embossing, cutting, pasting, and generally having a great time. I dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, which was a major mistake, because it was HOT in there. Not just warm, but HOT, and I was doing a lot of moving around, which made it even hotter. But hey, we all survived and I'll know better next time... whenever next time is.

I've been selected to be the "greeting card teacher" at the women's retreat in late September at Cannon Beach, Oregon, so will be taking my stuff (lots and lots of it) down there with me then. Perhaps not quite ALL of it, though, because there seems to be a run on about ten to fifteen stamps and no use of the others... so I can save some weight by taking only the most popular stamp when I do this again.

At the conclusion of our evening, the ladies surrounded me and prayed for my knee (which I tweaked a little a couple days ago) and for enormous success for my presentation in Vegas. Oh, that reminds me! Two of these ladies want to "preview" the presentation and see what they think about it before the event. They are both self-proclaimed "Trekkies" (enjoyed TREK as kids) and so are interested in what I'm going to be saying. They're also a good way to "pre-test" the thing.... So I'll send it off to them and wait to hear back....

Off to work for the day! Be well! Love y'all!

Vegas Nerves -- Revelation!

It occurred to this thick cranium last night while sitting in a recliner that the only person expecting perfection out of me in Vegas is me! The nerves I'm feeling right now are completely self-generated (or serpent-generated: "Has God really said ---?" The same old "doubt God" ploy that Satan loves to interject into any worthwhile endeavor). Any nervous feeling of inadequacy about my ability to talk about my association with my dear friends Carolyn and De Kelley is BOGUS! If I'm not an expert in this field, I'm an expert in NO field!

The story I'll be telling is my story, and is as indelible inside me as the Pledge of Allegiance and the Lord's Prayer. So for me to be this nervous about it is nuts.

Okay, it's not nuts. It's perfectly natural for most of us to be nervous before a live presentation. Eighty percent of men have said they would prefer to go into battle and face death rather than engage in public speaking. Women probably fear it a little less because once we get going (talking) -- well, talking comes pretty naturally to us and our "audience" becomes our friend the moment we relax and "get real"!

But what I have to remember is that the people in that auditorium don't really give a fig about the messenger or how well she orates; they want me to relax (so they can) and be myself (so they can experience the message, not the messenger) and just share what it was like to know DeForest Kelley "up close and personal."

I CAN DO THIS!

I'm sure I will still have moments of almost-panic between now and when I step onto that stage -- realizing that this will be the largest crowd ever assembled to hear me (some of whom will be sitting there in very expensive reserved seating just waiting for the next speakers because they aren't Original Series fans. Maybe they'll be intrigued too, if I do it right... scratch that -- when I do it right! -- and BECOME Original Series fans, or at least DeForest Kelley fans. That would be terrific!)

Alison keeps telling me to just keep remembering to breathe normally between now and then. And I am remembering to unclench my fists whenever I find them clenched. Then I stop whatever I'm doing or thinking until I feel relaxed -- truly relaxed. These "exercises" keep reminding me, "There is no tiger in the room and there will be no tigers in the auditorium in Vegas..."

And I pray. "Lord, Adam and Gary [Creation's owners] invited me to this convention, and to the last one in Sacramento. I didn't ask for the opportunity, as I did in Seattle the first time. They asked me. So that tells me they believe I do a good job of remembering the De Kelley that they and I knew. And if I have been invited, twice, it may well be Your will for me too! You must believe I'm ready to start ministering to this audience -- and to any others that seek me out! This is an opportunity, and perhaps a test of my willingness to step out in faith and be a good servant while addressing De's fans. De reflected you, LORD. It's my turn. Please identify to me before the convention any words I intend to speak that were not written under your authority and instead give me what You would have me say to these precious people as I share a brief history of De, Carolyn and me. I am expecting the Holy Spirit to be with me and to help me along in the way, as I have been helped during the creation of the presentation. In Jesus' name I pray, amen!"

If God is with me -- and boy howdy, does it ever feel He is! -- all is ALREADY well at the convention (He sees all life from beginning to end!)!!!

That knowledge gives me peace...

Your prayers are helping! Please keep lifting them! THANK YOU!!!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

For all the sweet taters in my life!~ You know who you are!

http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/sweettators/

Attention Convention Attendees with Videography Ability...

I received rare approval from Creation to videotape my appearance in Las Vegas for personal, private, archival use. Problem is, I don't own a DVD or VHS video camera!

If you’re coming to Vegas and have a DVD or VHS camcorder, please let me know. I would like to make someone I can rely on my “designated videographer.” Please let me know if you are willing and able! I will try to get you a close-to-front-row seat for the hour…

P.S. If you do become the videographer, please bring a tripod, too. 40 minutes of hand-holding a video camera, no matter how small, results in serious shaking, guaranteed!

Thanks much!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Update: Bummer! Terry Rioux, De's biographer, won't be coming to the convention after all. She says the university and her horses have her tied down that weekend. Crapola! I thought my six year Terry drought was about to come to an end. Guess not! Grumble, grumble... To those of you who were looking forward to meeting her, I'm sorry! She be a professor now and has responsibilities... and a horse mom... which is probably even more hobbling...

It is what it is. Drat and boogers... (I just made up that expletive -- and know I should send it back where it came from, sight unseen, but it expresses my disappointment quite well, somehow...)

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


What else?

Nada! Am continuing to listen to the presentation and read along. You would think that, since it's my own story, I shouldn't have to do this... but given just thirty minutes, I have to mold it so that it is sure to follow the 30-year path adequately without throwing anyone for a loop .. that's what makes it dicey. So I keep at it... Besides, I want to know it so well as written that I won't have to refer to anything other than an outline to keep me on-track. That takes time.

So... back I go...

Slept ten hours last night. Working and rehearsing places me into bed early these days!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hope you love this as much as I did when you click on it. If so, pass it along to others!

http://www.hall4bc04.org/Storm.htm

I wish I may I wish I might
Receive inspiration for this blog tonight!

It’s been a weird day. I hardly remember the weekend except for the three times I drove over to help Aunt Tod (twice on Saturday and once on Sunday), the lunch I shared with Della at Kings Manor on Saturday, and the couple hours I spent at Jackie’s Sunday afternoon celebrating two of her grandchildren’s (my grandnieces Elizabeth's and Isabella's) birthdays. Oh, and church was a biggie, too, but you already know about that if you've been keeping up with these blogs.

Oh, wait… there was more!

I turned on the Hallmark Channel on Saturday afternoon and lost myself for ten hours watching the Michal Landon Jr movies based on a series of books by Janette Oke (Here's the Amazon link to the books: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/002-0343156-6431254?initialSearch=1&url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=love+comes+softly&Go.x=8&Go.y=8) about early pioneer life. I didn’t intend to get hooked, but did. “Love Comes Softly, “Loves’s Enduring Promise,” etc. Landon Jr has his father’s knack for telling a riveting, touching story, that’s for sure!

So now, suddenly, I remember where the weekend went! No wonder I feel tired today – and it’s only Monday!

I didn’t listen to my Vegas presentation this weekend at all, which I recorded a couple days ago. Should have, but didn’t. I will listen to it every night before bed between now and then.

Please continue to keep Jenn Cuellar in your prayers and add Anne Richardson as well, De’s former fan club president from Australia. She entered the hospital Saturday early with a very swollen face; no one can figure out yet what the deal is – whether she was bitten by a spider or had an allergic reaction to one her prescription drugs, so she is off all meds right now as they narrow down the culprit. She can really use your prayers.

FROM INNER JOURNEY

What's draining your energy?

"Energy is equal to desire and purpose."
-- Sheryl Adams

What people, events or things drain your energy?

What part of you is not going with the flow?

What are you resisting?

Plug your energy leaks and experience

what it feels like to work on all cylinders.
For a list of energy drains and energy boosters, visit

http://www.higherawareness.com/lists/endrnrs.shtml http://www.higherawareness.com/lists/enbldrs.shtml

"Everything you are against weakens you.

Everything you are for empowers you."
-- Wayne Dyer

Alison's Response to Yesterday's Blog Entry -- EXCELLENT!

That is truly frightening stuff. ("You Worry Me!" by the American Airlines Pilot)

I'm so glad I went to the kind of school and grew up in the kind of community where I cannot see faiths or skin colour because I was surrounded by so many that I see through them to the person inside. I'm so proud to say I've never seen a person as 'one' - what does that even mean?

My friend said he wouldn't allow a Muslim Doctor to treat him after recent events. What does a 'Muslim' look like??? Darker skin? Some are white! He said he'd check the name. If you go on names and creed and apparent religion and condemn every person for it, then you are a Nazi, for that is what they did to the Jews because they feared them.

There's no such thing as a Muslim terrorist. If someone is true to Islam they are not a killer. If someone is a killer, they are twisted. That applies globally.

Terrorists everywhere are in violation of any religion - especially Christianity (just look at George Bush - he's supposed to be Christian) and especially Islam. Murder is not condoned.

This is nothing to do with religion. It is nothing to do with creed. It is to do with humanity and its fear and its oppression.

This man is so frightened of the supposed 400 terrorists hidden. If I lived in the US, and my population was 301,139,947 I would be very happy to have such a small problem. We have as many in the UK which has a population of 60,776,238 and still it is nothing. Humanity is like that - the World is like that. There is a minority of people who have been warped, or allowed themselves to be warped. But it was once said that a few dirty drops in an ocean do not make the ocean dirty.

This Airline guy is on the verge of joining them. He doesn't understand that there are terrorists but there are also cultures (not just Eastern) that resent America for its foreign policy - a policy which I believe a great deal of Americans also don't approve of. Lines such as 'The greatest constitution on Earth' really irritate me personally and unfortunately this man's attitude is exactly the attitude that other countries are wary of. It is simply unfriendly, to walk into a party and tell everyone you're the best. Whether you are or not is irrelevant. The fact is it belittles everyone else. But this is the main message the rest of the world hears (through media, not people!) and it can be insulting and provocative.

We don't know how much damage the West has done the East in the name of 'helping'. My fear is it is a damage that will last for many years. If the UK and the US are allowed weapons of destruction, why not the Middle East? (If Tony Blair is a self-confessed liar, how come he's considered stable enough to have such weaponry?)

There are people who resent this, and they have a right to, but they are not necessarily killers or terrorists anymore than Maniscalco - they have their opinion, a pattern of thinking as you say, which can yet be altered with education.

I get the feeling this guy has been fed propaganda. I don't know the facts, but I do know that these are people, just like us, and we must see them and treat them as such.

I personally don't relate to any white person better or worse than I'd relate to someone of a different colour. I don't share certain cultural references with people, but being a traveller, that is something I simply have to rise above; it's superficial anyway. I am my own culture and I am my own country.

You have to have courage and you have to have faith - there is one God, one truth and one love across this planet. I would rather die believing the stranger next to me is a friend, than live in irrational fear of others and their differences!

If you allow it to get to you - if you allow yourself to fear strangers because of their clothing, their look, their apparent lifestyle, then you are signing up to a war. Because that's all this is. A war of fear -a war of terror. A war of ignorance.

I think we can do better than that!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Alison's sensitive, measured and respectful rebuttal of the airline pilot (and my subsequent remarks) reminds me of that great part in FIDDLER ON THE ROOF where Tevye hears an opinion from a man and says, "You're right!" Immediately someone rebuts what the first man said, and Tevye responds to him, "You're right!" At which time a third man chimes in, saying basically that the two opinions just expressed are diametrically opposed and then tells Tevye, "They can't BOTH be right!" And Tevye says, "You know, you're right, too!"

I don't think Tevye was trying for diplomacy, here; he was simply demonstrating that we are often "torn" individuals, fighting with ourselves over what we believe and how we think we ought to behave as a result of the dichotomies that criss-cross our minds and experiences.

I resonate to what both are saying. I see and understand both perspectives, but obviously have come down on the side of praying and "living and letting live."

Our ideal (or born again) nature -- our "God within" nature -- sees our "old man" (the fearful pilot) nature and we who are living in the Spirit shudder when we realize that a part of the "old man" is still inside us, try as we might to dislodge and destroy him.

Fear is a strategy of the devil. If we allow it to dissuade us from being universally kind in all circumstances -- even the difficult ones -- fear wins and all of the fallout from that ensues.

Fear knocked.
Faith answered the door.

No one was there.

Related Story from Newsweek: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19876834/site/newsweek/

P.S. We also need to extend grace to the American Airlines pilot who wrote the original: TWO American Airlines planes were hijacked and used in the assault on the World Trade Centers, so this man lost two fellow pilots in the attacks and feels great responsibility to get his passengers to their destinations safely -- a double-whammy for the fellow... so his fear and distrust came as a natural outcopping of the way in which the attacks were carried out...

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I urge you to take thirty minutes and logon to today's (July 22nd) sermon at www.churchforallnations.org. Select MULTIMEDIA, then video (or audio if you don't feel like watching). The "grace-centered" person Pastor Wolfson describes reveals the essence of DeForest Kelley to a "T." I hope my presentation in Vegas does it as well as Pastor Wolfson did it today... (Pastor Wolfson didn't know he was describing DeForest Kelley, but oddly enough he did say this way of living was "the real McCoy" -- at which time I nodded my head in enthusiastic agreement!)

The sermon will only be available at this link for two weeks, but you can order a copy at this link at any time thereafter.

Do it. It may well affect the course of your life and the timbre of your interactions with others! I know it has mine!

To My Sorrow... and Dismay...I Resonate to this Essay...

"YOU WORRY ME!"

By American Airlines Pilot - Captain John Maniscalco

I've been trying to say this since 9-11, but you worry me.

I wish you didn't. I wish when I walked down the streets of this country I so dearly love, that your color and culture still blended with the beautiful human landscape we enjoy here. But you don't blend in anymore. I notice you, and it worries me.

I notice you because I can't help it anymore. People from your homelands, professing to be Muslims, have been attacking and killing my fellow citizens and our friends for more than 20 years now. I don't fully understand their grievances and hate, but I know that nothing can justify the inhumanity of their attacks.

On September 11, nineteen Arab-Muslims hijacked four jetliners in my country. They cut the throats of women in front of children and brutally stabbed others to death. They took control of those planes and crashed them into buildings, killing thousands of proud fathers, loving sons, wise grandparents, elegant daughters, best friends, favorite coaches, fearless public servants, and children's mothers. The Palestinians celebrated, the Iraqis were overjoyed, as was most of the Arab world.

So, I notice you now. I don't want to be worried. I don't want to be consumed by the same rage and hate and prejudice that has destroyed the soul of the terrorists.

But I need your help. As a rational American, wanting to protect my country and family in an irrational and unsafe world, I must know how to tell the difference between you, and the Arab/Muslim terrorist.

How do I differentiate between the true Arab/Muslim-Americans and the Arab/Muslim terrorists in our communities who are attending our schools, enjoying our parks, and living in our communities under the protection of our constitution, while they plot the next attack that will slaughter these same good neighbors and children? The events of September 11th changed the answer.

It is not my responsibility -- but it is my desire -- to determine which of you embraces this country, with ALL of its religions,with ALL of its different citizens, with all of its faults. It is time for Arab/Muslims in this country to determine it for me.

I want to know, and have a right to know, whether or not you love America. Do you pledge allegiance to its flag? Do you proudly display it in front of your house, or on your car? Do you pray in your many daily prayers that Allah will bless this nation, that He will protect and prosper it? Or do you pray that Allah will destroy it in one of your Jihads?

Are you thankful for the freedom that only this nation affords? A freedom that was paid for by the blood of hundreds of thousands of patriots who gave their lives for this country? Are you willing to preserve this freedom by also paying the ultimate sacrifice? Do you love America ?

If this is your commitment, then you need to start letting me know about it. Your Muslim leaders in this nation should be flooding the media at this time with hard facts on your faith, and with what hard actions you are taking as a community and as a religion to protect the United States of America.

Please, no more benign overtures of regret for the death of the innocent because I worry about who you regard as innocent. No more benign overtures of condemnation for the unprovoked attacks because I worry about what is unprovoked to you.

I am not interested in any more sympathy. I am only interested in action. What will you do for America at this time of crisis, at this time of war?

I want to see Arab-Muslims waving the American flag in our streets. I want to hear you chanting "Allah Bless America." I want to see young Arab/Muslim men enlisting in the military. I want to see a commitment of money, time, and emotion to the victims of this butchering and to this nation as a whole.

The FBI has a list of over 400 people they want to talk to regarding the WTC attack. Many of these people live and socialize right now in Muslim communities. Some of you know them. You know where they are. Point them out, if they are guilty -- or if you have the slightest concern that they may be.

But I have seen little even approaching this sort of action. Instead I have seen an already closed and secretive community close even tighter. You have disappeared from the streets. You have posted armed security guards at your facilities. You have threatened lawsuits. You have asked for -- and received -- protection from reprisals.

If the true teachings of Islam proclaim tolerance and peace and love for all people, then I want chapter and verse from the Koran and statements from popular Muslim leaders to back it up.

What good is it if the teachings in the Koran are good, and pure, and true, when it seems many of your "leaders" are teaching fanatical interpretations, terrorism, and intolerance? It matters little how good Islam SHOULD BE if huge numbers of the world's Muslims interpret the teachings of Mohammed incorrectly and adhere to a degenerative form of the religion. A form that has been demonstrated to us over and over again. A form whose structure is built upon a foundation of violence, death, and suicide. A form whose members are recruited from the prisons around the world. A form whose members (some as young as five years old) are seen marching in the streets around the world, burning effigies of our presidents, burning the American flag, shooting weapons into the air. A form whose members convert from a peaceful religion, only to take up arms against the United States of America, the country of their birth. A form whose rules are so twisted, that their traveling members refuse to show their faces at airport security checkpoints, in the name of Islam.

We will NEVER allow the attacks of September 11, or any others for that matter, to take away that which is so precious to us: Our rights under the greatest constitution in the world.

I want to know where every Arab Muslim in this country stands and I think it is my right and the right of every true citizen of this country to know it. A right paid for by the blood of thousands of my brothers and sisters who died protecting the very constitution that is protecting you and your family.

I am pleading with you to let me know. I want you here as my brother, my neighbor, my friend, as a fellow American.

But there can be no gray areas or ambivalence regarding your allegiance and it is up to you to show me where you stand.

Until then "YOU WORRY ME!"

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

As disturbing as the above is to me -- since it mirrors the same pattern of thinking that eventually placed loyal Japanese-Americans in internment camps during World War II -- it's sadly understandable. It's difficult to see a Muslim and think only benign thoughts. A bit of primeval fear and paranoia pops up every time, no matter how hard I try to snuff it. I offer up a prayer every time I see one now: a prayer of mutual blessing, and of mutual protection.

God is the only One who can sort the benign from the malignant -- but at least my prayer allows me to remain on an even keel despite my new ambivalence.

I don't want to hate, or to worry, or to have to wonder if the Muslims in my community are here for their freedom -- or to prepare for their jihad against the things we espouse and cherish as a nation.

I only know that I don't know -- and that makes me shudder... because this is not how I want to view other human beings...

Convention Update: Saturday 10:05-10:45 is My Time!

>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<
Magid at Creation tells me I am scheduled to speak from 10:05 a.m. to 10:45 a.m. on August 11th on the main stage at the STAR TREK Convention. So now you know. And I know. And will be able to RELAX (or collapse, as the case may be) afterward for the rest of the day! I’m glad it will be early in the day. (It might make for a sleepless night, but hey… conventions are like that, yeah, they are!) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Weather Report – cool and wet for many days in a row. We are LOVING IT! I just hope some of this wonderful wetness is getting to eastern Washington where it has been so hot and dry. There is grave fire danger in the forested areas; we are three inches shy in precipitation to date.


Despite the best-laid plans of mice and men, I didn’t get to sleep before midnight again last night. I was careful not to drink tea or caffeine yesterday afternoon, and was very weary at work as a result all afternoon, so caffeine wasn’t a factor. The major factor was sitting at the PC emailing folks who are coming to the convention or flying over to stay with me after it, which was great… and ordering a couple things at my CafePress.com store (DeForest Station) for the convention. That’s where I stumbled -- started looking at what other CaféPress stores are offering and lost myself to curiosity for an hour or so (searched on DeForest, and Kelley, and Robert Kennedy, and Faith, and Jesus, and such as that…) I almost ordered a few things from the RF Kennedy and Jesus stores, but changed my mind (came to my senses) and realized these are luxuries, not necessities, and I can put them on a wish list for Christmas. The prices are low enough that someone could actually get them without undue hardship to a checkbook. I took notes and will make a list. My family, every year, asks me what I want for Christmas and I can never think of anything other than Subway gift cards and phone cards. (Those are very important staples, you see!) Now I will prepare to answer the question for six months and give those who inquire a smile and an actual list – probably very short, but at least a list! -- instead of frustration. “She actually has a list this year! Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles!” If they dance, it won’t be a surprise!

Bobbie Bobstein says I should reclaim my guitar from the garage (purchased in Mexico forty years ago for $10 by my dad for me) and she will tune it and play some folk songs on it when she visits! Maybe I will get the music sheet for A SIMPLE COUNTRY DOCTOR from its creator and have her sing that… It’s a great tribute to De, written the weekend he passed away. You can find the lyrics here: http://www.ovff.org/pegasus/songs/simple-country-doctor.html . You may even be able to hear it on the Internet, but I’m not sure about that. The creator of the song sent me a copy on DVD so I could use it as an intro, but it’s about five minutes long, and I have never had that much leeway for an intro. Wish I did. It’s exceptionally good. It won a folk song award (Pegasus?) a few years after it was written, and should have! I wish De could’ve heard it. I think it would touch him deeply, to realize the depth and breadth of the legacy he left. Not bad for a man who said, when asked what he thought his legacy would be: “That’s almost something for someone else to answer, but my first thought is, I hope they will remember! There’s nothing deader than a dead actor, you know!” As far as I know, that’s the only proclamation he ever missed by a mile! It may be true of most actors, but it’s certainly not true of De Kelley.

What else?

If Aunt Tod doesn’t need me tomorrow morning to take her shopping, I will probably have lunch with Della at Kings Manor. I left my TREK Magazine with her (the one with my interview in it) so she could read and then share it with her daughter (a big Trek/De fan), so she is expecting me to come back one of these weekends to have lunch again and retrieve it. If it’s cool still, I may stay and play Hangman with her and other ladies and gents who want that kind of challenge to their brain matter. They love it when I stay to play because of my extensive (writer’s) vocabulary and knowledge of critters, the Bible, geography within the U.S., movie and song titles, and other categories I can use to try to “hang” them. Rarely do I succeed, because Della still has a mind like a steel trap. She and a couple others usually figure out the word or phrase…

I also use fun/funny hints during Hangman. One hint, e.g., was “Biblical Prophet, He Was a Bullfrog… That threw them for a loop! “A bullfrog prophet?” one lady thoughtfully inquired. “Wasn’t that during the plagues against Egypt?!” I just about wet myself laughing! (Answer: Jeremiah.) That way we get laughs when the answer is finally discovered.

I put the word “douche” up there one time with the hint, “Internal sprucer upper” or something like that. Strangely enough, Della figured it out right away but was embarrassed that she may have guessed wrong and whispered (with a strategically-cupped hand to her mouth), “Douche?” I do have to remember that the older generation doesn’t talk about personal matters with the alacrity of more recent generations! (Who am I kidding? Neither do I! That’s precisely why I threw it in there – to wake ‘em up and make ‘em wonder if I finally had lost all sense of decorum!) A little shock to the system is just what a brain needs to wake up and smell the coffee. After “douche,” I didn’t stump anyone on anything all afternoon, no matter how difficult or unlikely the word! My elderly friends were fully alert, awake and aware; as McCoy would say, “working on all thrusters”!

Let’s face it, YOU’RE more awake now that I’ve shared this anecdote, aren’t you? It’s amazing what a picayune, unexpected “moral outrage attack” can do to one’s mental abilities! It certainly sits me bold upright!

One of my first jobs as a young adult was working in a veterinary hospital. (I was a very innocent young lady – my Dad never told me an off-color joke until I was 24!) At the veterinary hospital, I blushed red for three months straight. The vets would joke about artificially inseminating dogs while actively gathering sperm from a male and then depositing it into a female (believe me, you don’t want to know; don’t ask!). I would just about die of acute embarrassment, not necessarily by the process itself but by their description of the process! And Max would mangle lovely standards (songs) to fit the veterinary profession, ditties like, “They asked me how I knew… raccoon shit was blue… and to them I said … you have been misled, raccoon shit is red” and “colder than the ring around a polar bear’s ass, COLD!”

Yes, it’s true: I have Max Flockerzie and Pete Yantorni to thank for the lop-sided “blessing” that I almost never blush anymore! If you can survive working in a critter care facility with two veterinarian cut-ups (pun intended), you will not blush again, either. Your blood will learn to stay out of your face and chest. I don’t know how, but it will.

21 Days -- Marge Duff et al Are Counting!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegads ! ! ! ! !

I'm shipping stuff to Vegas, my publisher is shipping stuff to Vegas, and comrades from afar are emailing to say, "See you soon!" -- so this means only one thing: the Las Vegas convention is --- there is no lingering doubt at all -- "perilously close."

Here's the link to what we're all getting into: http://www.creationent.com/cal/stlv.htm

You have to scroll waaaaaaayyyyy down the page to find the blurb about me. This should prove once and for all that I ain't no celebrity. So relax and treat me no differently than you would your best friend in the whole wide world who's scared to death -- pray for me! -- and all will be well! HA HA HA HA HA ! ! ! !

Today at lunch I re-recorded what I plan to say, because there was plenty of time at work between clients to "revise and edit." As mentioned before, I never "finish" a presentation -- I "surrender" it when the time comes. It isn't about perfection, though. It's about wanting to give the attendees the best time possible... and what I consider "the best time possible" changes from day to day and minute to minute!

I've been re-reading my book and noting things that haven't been brought out before at a convention. And it's worthy, but it won't "fit" the road map that will work in a 30 minute time frame. Since Creation can't tell me yet whether I'll have 30 minutes or 60, I'm planning for 30, expecting questions for 10 or 15, and hoping I come up with enough good responses and reminiscences (keyed by fans' questions) that the entire hour will fly by before anyone notices. That's my plan.

I did notice that some of my best stuff from earlier appearances isn't in this one. But those moments happened as a result of fans' questions -- they weren't in my presentations, they were brought to it by the hearts and questions of fans. It's the interaction that elicits the best stuff, so I want to allow plenty of time for that. That's somewhat risky, but it's also the best way to truly interface with De's fans. He did it. I want to kind of stick to the same format he used: Talk a little, read a little, then open it up for questions, comments, sharing of memories...

21 DAYS... by Marge's count. (I think she's flying in a day earlier.) My appearance is Saturday the 11th -- don't know the time yet... That's 23 days, the way I count (this being Thursday night).

23 days... Eeeeeeeeegaaaaaaaaddddddddddssssssssssssssss.

Plenty of time to tinker with the blueprint and figure out what needs saying and what can be left for fans to discover in the books (Terry's bio of De and mine)...

"Oh, joy..."

The Trek-motif On-Hold Concepts (www.onholdconcepts.com) post cards look terrific! I got a thousand of them, so will see if all my buddies will hold a handful during my appearance so that when I mention them from the stage, any business owner in the audience who wants one won't have to go far to get one...

Wait'll you see them. They are SO COOL! (blush) I wrote and designed them... so I shouldn't be bragging, BUT I AM!!!

Have a great evening. Emails are coming in here by the bucket load tonight --- (ding, ding, ding)

ANTICIPATION

ANTICIPATION

IS MAKING ME WAIT

KEEPIN' ME WAITING...

so I need to respond to them...

More tomorrow!

The Convention is Near!

Last night I audiotaped my presentation and will begin listening to it every night until I'm pretty sure I have it in order and won't have to refer to notes much. With any luck at all, the only time I won't be looking at De's fans is when I'm reading excerpts from the book. That's the ideal scenario and my goal.

The basic problem is that I'm shy, so even in normal surroundings I rarely look at who I'm chatting with except for a few brief nanoseconds at a time. So at the convention I will have to pick out a few faces in the crowd (ideally people I know, as long as they aren't nervous for me) and concentrate on them! Enough of my friends and e-mail pals are attending that, if they spread out and sit all over the place, I will be able to look like I'm looking at everybody... That would be a very nice "special effect."

I will really, really try to "get over" the trauma of standing up there as quickly as possible because I want to look back on it having ENJOYED it, not just having SURVIVED it! :)

I can imagine myself being completely at ease and natural up there, so I know what it should look like -- kinda like De looked when he was appearing at a convention. (Truth be known, he looked a little nervous himself at first a time or two, so I'm accrediting these pre-show jitters to the perfectly natural tendency to compare public speaking with being positioned before a firing squad or atop a gallows trap door without the courtesy of a hood...)

The good news is that Bobbie Bobstein (the relocated New Yawker who now lives in North Carolina) has decided that she will fly to Washington a few days after the convention and spend ten days with me, encompassing two weekends. And Alison may end up flying to my place, too. Alison is definitely coming to the convention; she's just wavering back and forth on whether to fly to Washington with me afterward or to return to England and sell her flat first... WILL SOMEONE IN ENGLAND PLEASE BUY HER FLAT before the convention?! That would settle the matter once and for all! That way these two ladies could keep each other company while I'm at work weekdays. I have plenty to keep both of them entertained. I must have two solid weeks' worth of De movies and TV episodes (not counting anything having to do with STAR TREK), so they will be happier'n two peas in a pod with a week-day comrade to share that bounty and joy with... So I'm hoping it works out that they can both be here at the same time at least part of the time. I would feel less like a lousy host leaving for work in the morning... Being a working gal is the pits at times. Thank God I love my job!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Three hours later. I just got off the phone with Bobbie. Yes, we talked for three hours, coast to coast. We are going to have the BEST time when she gets here! WAHOO!!!!!

I need to hit the hay now. Bobbie said so. And Bobbie KNOWS 'cause I got silly toward the end of our marathon chat. (That's always a dead giveaway. Let this be fair warning to those of you heading to the Vegas convention. When you spend serious time with me, you will pay for it along about midnight! Silliness will ensue and that will be your cue: Kris is about to go tilt, totally sober! I can't wait!)

You take care and I'll dedicate myself to a seriously long blog tomorrow night.

Very, Very Disturbing...

From Pastor Alan Meenan's Church For The Nations E-Newsletter at www.churchforthenations.org :

Last week the Los Angeles Times released a front-page story on a Southern California medical practitioner. Dr. Prem Reddy is a cardiologist who has already purchased eight hospitals and hopes to add a further six in the next few months. The buying spree, claims the Times report, is making his company one of the largest hospital owners in the State and placing it in a position to challenge industry leaders.

The difference in Reddy's hospitals, however, appears to consist in a shift in the philosophy of medical care. The enterprise has proven very profitable for Dr. Reddy but at what cost to the adaptation of American values? According to the article, Dr. Reddy is unapologetic in providing health care commensurate with what a patient can afford. "Why should (everybody) expect the same medical treatment?" he asks. Evidently medicine, like so many other things, has here become simply a matter of making money and is no longer about compassion for ailing humanity.

The brother of our Lord Jesus, the apostle James once wrote an amazing thing (2:1-6):

My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? But you have insulted the poor."


As I continued to read the article, I learned that Dr. Reddy is originally from Nellore in India. At that point the disturbing pieces came together for me. Of course, he would think in terms of a human hierarchy with some people more deserving than others. The inequalities of the caste system are pervasive in Indian society.

America, by contrast, was founded on Christian ideals which affirm equality among peoples. As part of God's creation we are all equally deserving: black and white, rich and poor, celebrity or unknown, men and women.

Dr. Reddy's worldview, steeped in Hindu thought, is a reminder and perhaps a wake-up call that the very foundations of our society cannot be taken for granted and that the elements we espouse are under constant threat from our pluralistic age. So while it may be fashionable today to be tolerant of every conceivable ideology, that very acquiescence may result in the unraveling of American culture as we have known it.

Human equality is an American ideal only because it is first and foremost a Christian dogma. The concept that all men are created equal is actually foreign to most people in the world and is conspicuously absent from the ideologies of Hinduism and Islam.

For the Nations, Pastor Alan

333 -- A Benediction?

3:33 has been popping up on the clock a lot lately – which is "fascinating. Why?

3:33 was my “De time” on the clock because of 333 Montgomery (http://www.neverpleadguilty.com/tv/tv.htm) and because it seems he or Carolyn often called me during the 3:33 time period in the afternoon when I worked at Warner Bros. (De portrayed real-life criminal defense attorney Jake Ehrlich in a pilot called 333 Montgomery. Jake Ehrlich chose De to play him after he saw De do a scene. He said, "That's me! That's me, exactly!"

I know, I know – 3:33 pops up twice a day, like (ha ha) clockwork, but usually I am utterly oblivious to time or do not refer to a clock often enough that any particular time is "locked in" that often. The past two weeks almost every time I look at the clock, it’s 3:33 (a.m. or p.m.) !!!
If feels mighty Twilight Zone-y to me!

I think this is heaven’s way of telling me the way is clear for me to present in Vegas in exactly the way I have in mind, which may seem pretty far off-course to folks in Sin City. But I know it’s what I am supposed to be doing with my life and I will do it there. Not in a heavy-handed way at all; just in passing. Those who are supposed to be influenced by it will be – the Holy Spirit will nudge them onto a new path, one they in no way anticipated when they elected to come hear me speak about De (in the same way I was nudged when I least expected it).

I’m reading Ann Spangler’s new book PRAYING THE NAMES OF JESUS. It’s even better than her earlier volume, PRAYING THE NAMES OF GOD. (She is becoming a better writer.) Quite often in this volume she will write something so profound that I want to post here verbatim, but it would be a violation of copyright to the extent I want to do it, so I suggest you get the book and read it for yourself. I promise you it will be worth every nickel you pay for it.

When you get it, turn to page 256 and 257 and tell me if a light bulb doesn't go off over your head and make you think, "Oh my gosh! That's it exactly!"

'Nuf said. You need to get the book. Truly. You do. You won't be sorry or I will buy it back from you -- after you have read it all the way through. But then you have to send it to me so I can give it to someone else living on a limited income who will be mightily blessed by it...

Alison's email address isn't working -- at least, it isn't working when I send her emails. She gave me a private address, and I'm waiting to see if that one works. The phone hasn't rung tonight, so I suspect that one didn't get back to her, either...

Veddy odd! Alison, I would like to give you my phone number right now, but then everybody and their brother would have it and that might not be good. I don't have a clue how many people read this blog...

Email Bobbie Bobstein. She can give it to you!

Join Hollywood Prayer Network... Pray for Your Favorite Hollywood People of Every Religion, Nationality

I have belonged to the Hollywood Prayer Network almost from its inception. It is making inroads and is changing the face of Hollywood day-by-day. I encourage you to logon, join up, and find out how to strategically offer prayer for entertainment industry professionals. I'm praying for Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and baby Suri (Scientologists), Jerry Lewis (Jewish and amazing -- you know him these days best as the host of the Labor Day Muscular Dystrophy Telethon, but he has a remarkable history as a comic and entertainer; I've been a fan of his since I was 12) and our very own Inquisitor... who shall remain unidentified...

http://www.myspace.com/hollywoodprayernetwork

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Contine to pray and lift up Jenn Cuellar. I have never prayed the way I am praying now for this amazing, young woman who has touched so many lives already in her few short years on this planet.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

More later... Must off to church...

A Prayer to Ponder... and an URGENT Prayer Request for a Dear Friend...

When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open a session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:

"Heavenly Father,We come before you today To ask your forgiveness and To seek your direction and guidance.

We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good.' But that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics.

We have coveted our neighbour's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of speech and expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our Forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!"

The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest. In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively. Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio Program, "The Rest of the Story," and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired.

With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our Nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called "one nation under God."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Prayer Request

A dear, dear former co-worker of mine has been diagnosed with Stage 4 leukemia. Her name is Jennifer Cuellar and if you knew her, you would be on your knees right now in intercession for her. She is a delightful, dedicated, hard-working woman, 27 years old, who works at Church For All Nations, where I served Pastor Ken Ecker for a year and a half just nine months ago. Jennifer occupied the cubicle next to me. She is a fantastic woman of God. You can access more information about her and send her prayers at this website URL: http://jennifercuellar.homeip.net/.

Please, please, please stop what you are doing right now and pray for a bone marrow donor and complete and total remission and healing for her.

So this is urgent... very urgent... let's overwhelm heaven with our prayers morning, noon and night!

Jenn's friend Kate Stinson says the doctors are talking about 16 weeks of chemotherapy treatment... so please continue keep cards, letters or emails coming to her. Notes mean a great deal, even when they are from people Jenn doesn't know. (Imagine what notes and emails from all over the world would do for you if you were the one in her hospital bed.) Be a blessing! Be a friend to a lovely, effervescent friend of mine! PLEASE AND THANK YOU! You can send Jennifer cards to this address:

Jenn Cuellar
c/o Kate Stinson
6320 90th Street Court East
Puyallup WA 98371

or email Jenn c/o Kate at Kate_Stinson@hotmail.com
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

From Bobbie Bobstein... The Perfect Joke!

G-d was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, "Where have you been?"

G-d smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,"Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied G-d, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

G-d explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth,while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

G-d continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by G-d's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, carriers of peace, and producers of software."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, G-d? You said there would be balance."

G-d smiled, "There is another Washington. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

I Will Have Twenty DE Books in Vegas to Sell

Good news. I will be able to bring 20 of my DE title to the Vegas convention after all. My friend Betty Mosher, who lives in Vegas, says she will accept a box of books from my publisher and hold them for me -- along with a box of publicity materials I'll be sending from here -- until I arrive there. She will also pick me up at the airport and deliver Alison and me back to it... so we have a "chauffeur" in Vegas! (She just had surgery and says she has two back-up drivers to fetch us in case she ends up unable to keep this commitment, so I have full confidence that all will be well! WAHOO!!!) Betty and I met in Vegas thirty years ago -- we were in the same hospital room. I was getting intestinal bypass surgery and she was getting hemorrhoid surgery. I knew she was a keeper friend when she joked to me, "You know what that they're calling us at the nurse's station, don't you?" "No. What?" "The ass and the bypass in Room C-204!" I was in (actual) stitches, and had to hold a pillow on my tummy to keep from popping them when she made that observation!

(Postscript to the above: Also in our hospital room were a Vegas showgirl who had tried to commit suicide and another lady whose doctor was also Elvis's doctor -- the infamous doc who was giving him all the prescriptions that killed him a month later that same year. Gives me shivers because he came into the room to check on her loudly proclaiming that the huge ring on his finger was a recent gift from Elvis. I bet he wasn't quite so boisterous later when the scandal broke out about Elvis's Vegas doctor! That probably buttoned up his lip pretty reliably...)


So I emailed my publisher tonight and ordered 20 copies of the book. Wish I had the wherewithal to order 50 copies; they would probably all go! But alas... selling this amount should cover any additional costs I have while in Vegas (meals, souvenirs) and still allow me to bring a little bit home afterward and put it into the kitty for buying books NEXT time.

Still ~ those of you who can order ahead and plan to have a book for me to sign, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE order ahead. I want to be sure everyone who wants a book and a signature gets a book and a signature, and for sure twenty books will NOT cover the expected turnout.

So again, the link to the book is this:
http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/ItemDetail~bookid~7780.aspx

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The temperature "only" got to 85 today, so tonight it feels positively decent in my den as long as the fan is bringing air in from out-of-doors. Ahhhhhhh. It's probably 78 right now. Perfect.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



Robert W Bly’s The Copywriter’s Handbook is on my recommended reading list now – and holds an honored place at my desk as well. It’s very good. I plan to buy copies at Christmas time for the copywriters in my life. Even great copywriters can learn from it.

My own copy has improved steadily over the course of the past seven months. This book has confirmed things I have learned as a freelance writer for 35 years and has also aided the journey toward ever-increasing confidence.

The book is both an instructional manual and a huge ego boost – especially as the reader gets toward the end. Bly proclaims that when a copywriter is exemplary, they’re worth what a doctor or lawyer gets per diem. Why? Because the copywriter is often the creator of the first “face” that people “meet.” The copy writer is the one who convinces a prospective customer or client to commit to a tentative relationship. Unless the first impression is great, there is little chance the rest of the people in the company will be seen – the people who can cement the relationship, provide the service, deliver the goods, solve the problem. Copywriters are unseen, anonymous salespeople working from a keyboard, in essence.

Copywriting it isn’t as easy as it looks. It is often fun, but it ain’t easy!

Give this book to the writer in your midst. Doesn't matter what kind of writer. This book will improve what they do.


Then logon to http://www.onholdconcepts.com/ and imagine what one of our wonderful copywriters (maybe even me!) can do for your business !

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

DO NOT, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT, BYPASS THIS LINK WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT. AMAZING!

http://beboframe.com/FlashFrame.jsp?Size=S&FlashBoxId=3309347442

Thought For The Evening...

"If you think you're too small

to have an impact,

try going to bed

with a mosquito in the room."
-- Anita Roddick

Very Few Books Will Be At The Convention

Just a heads up. Very few of my books will be at the convention. Creation has a few and a few audiobooks, but doesn't plan to buy any more, and there is no reliable way to get books shipped to the Hilton from the publisher, so I strongly suggest that those of you who are coming order them NOW at this URL: http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/ItemDetail~bookid~7780.aspx

I will have some post cards and flyers, but very few books, so please don't expect to buy them there!

Hotter'N Hades in Summer!!!

Those of you from warmer climes will probably laugh. It's 88 here today and will be close to 100 tomorrow, which will be a record for this time of year ( a record for ANY time of year up here).

Most of us in the Pacific Northwest don't have air conditioning because our summer temperatures are so rarely air-conditioner-necessary. I'm sitting in front of a 26" fan that's going full blast. All doors and windows are open, so I'm comfortable, but if any of these variables change (close a door, close a window, turn the fan down a notch, put on anything other than shorts and a t-shirt), I will be mizable immediately...

The temperature in my office is going to be scorching tomorrow. My side of the building is all glass and we face the sun most of the day, so it's hard to keep the place cool. I'm not looking forward to it.

I will be happy in three days when we are back to our usual 78 degrees. Very happy.

There isn't anything to report for today, so guess I'll give you a break for the evening!

Ciao for now!


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hey, Alison,

How about something like this for your next adventure?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19694083/?gt1=10150

July 9, 2007 Happy Birthday – R.I.P. Daddy!

This is my father’s natal day. He woulda been eighty had he lived this long. Gads, I can’t even imagine…

Val Barrett emailed today saying “we basically introverted types” can fake gregariousness very well when necessary. I had no idea Val was an introvert but, now that I think of it, I should have known! We faked each other out royally in school; we were both aspiring actors in a bygone era, which looks –- to the outside world -- to be the least self-conscious/shy career on the planet!

It turns out that there are a lot of very shy people in acting and in other arts, and that makes sense to me. Acting is a shy person’s only outlet to “act out” (step out and be brave; act in ways they wouldn’t otherwise) and many writers begin because one-on-one casual conversation is so often superficial and unrewarding (“How are you?” “Fine, fine… Hot today, isn’t it?” “Sure is…”) -– or because they couldn’t get a word in edgewise in their boisterous families and took up writing as an outlet.

Almost everyone seeks to interact and communicate, but shy people have to find other ways to do it. So they act, or sing, or dance, or present puppet shows, or dress up like clowns, or in some other way take on a more interactive persona than the one they inhabit by nature or nurture.

I feel completely comfortable with small children and with elderly people – mostly because they are the people whose masks either don’t yet exist (wee ones) or because they’re too old and tired to keep wearing the mask they wore most of their lives. I love honest interaction and don’t find it (in abundance) in daily conversation. (Partly my own fault, too.)

I wear a “gregarious” mask to get by at work and in other public places. It isn’t who I am, but it’s who I was as a kid before the “correction of flaws” lessons began to settle in and take up residency in my psyche. Mom and Dad said I was their “sparkler” early on – their own little Shirley Temple, happy to dance and jump and yell and be the center of attention in the family – TOO happy, they decided, so they set about to “tame” me. They curtailed the essential me (unskillfully, causing unintentional damage along the way) and made me start to doubt the personality God gave me. Voila! Instant shy! (And as a side effect, instant author! They didn’t shut me up-- they just drove me to pen and paper the minute I learned how to string words together! My salvation!) Just add self-doubt to a sparkler and watch any “on-air” / out-in-public" personality traits implode !

Others wear other masks. It’s artificial and superficial, living that way, and not terribly rewarding. But many, if not most, of us do it anyway, I think…

I will have to wear a “gregarious persona” mask in Vegas or I could never do it! My mantra is: “I will be okay once I get on the platform.” I always am. It’s just the first few moments that cause such premeditated agony for months beforehand. I’m a helluvan actress so you won’t see much evidence of shyness. But stand in my shoes and feel my legs quiver and there will be no doubt!!!

Adam asked me to appear. I said I would. I’ve been kicking myself and thanking my God ever since. So yes, I’m pretty schizophrenic about the whole thing!

If I didn’t love De’s fans so much – he has the best fans on the planet – I wouldn’t have enough willpower to say yes to Vegas and follow through with it. Vegas is HUGE -- the big-time in TrekLand! If it didn't intimidate me, I would have myself committed right here and right now!

I just have to remember De’s wise counsel to Brent Spiner when he asked De what to do at his first convention.

“Just love them…”

I do and I will!
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

My TREK-themed post card for the convention is approved here at work. I’m just waiting for final approval of the transporter photo from my contact at CBS. When I get that, we will print and be ready to roll in Vegas! WAHOO!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Carolyn Kelley sent me a poem in calligraphy once. I still have it somewhere in my Kelley treasures but it just came to my mind this afternoon while I was out dead-heading the roses.

I don't know if she wrote it, but it resonates in my soul... Here it is:

Love will fly if held too lightly.

Love will die if held too tightly.

Lightly... tightly... how do I know

Whether I'm killing or letting you go?

Just something to ponder along with all life's other imponderables...

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Senorita Invierno is back in action with a report of her pilgrimage. You should logon... Here's a particularly apt link to get you started somewhere in the middle of her pilgrimage. Don't miss it, De fans!

http://senoritainvierno.blogspot.com/2007/07/winters-way-part-4-parting-of-ways.html

Jackie and I went bike riding for a couple of hours this afternoon when I got home from church. She bought a new bike and wanted to try it out on the bike trail in Orting, about 20 miles away. We had a blast.

I rode her older bike but did try her new bike a time or two. It's definitely state of the art and pure pleasure to ride for long distances. Her older bike has the kind of handlebars where you have to lean forward and keep a lot of upper body weight on your arms and hands, which gets old pretty fast. I will probably get a copy of her new bike and join her more often. I truly had a wonderful time despite the fact it was very warm today. There is a constant breeze in Orting that kept us relatively comfortable, thank God!

Orting is a town here in Washington that will be utterly annihilated in about fifteen minutes when Mt Rainier erupts again (if it erupts in the same way it did last time). Because of this, there are warning signs every mile or so along the bike route and highway stating, "If you hear the lahar sirens go off, immediately climb to an altitude of at least 50 feet off the valley floor."
When Mt Rainier erupts, a very large "concrete-like floe" (a lahar) will come down the mountain slope and into the valley like a freight train.

Needless to say, I kept looking over the the ridge to my right as we rode along, gauging how fast we would be able to get to it and up it fifty feet. I'm guessing it would take five minutes to get to it and ten or fifteen minutes to climb fifty feet up it -- we'd probably just make it IF we moved immediately the moment the lahar went off and if all the other people in the valley were equally nimble. Frankly, though, I think the people in the Orting valley will be toast. The last time the lahar siren went off (accidentally) no one evacuated, thinking it was most likely a false alarm. By the time you saw a lahar coming at you, there would be no time to scale the hill, so... trust me, if I hear that lahar siren, I am getting outta Dodge faster than is humanly possible. Moving concrete is not my idea of an adventure...

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

SPECIAL REQUEST! SPECIAL REQUEST! SPECIAL REQUEST! SPECIAL REQUEST!

I would like all of you to please keep our lead pastor, Bill Wolfson, in your prayers. God is dealing with him right now in a significant way -- has been all summer. Pastor Wolfson is a forthright, upstanding guy so God isn't after him because he's in the cookie jar or unfaithful to his wife or anything else you can imagine. He is dealing with him for being such a perfection freak (with a tendency to be a martinet as a result). Pastor expects perfection from himself and perfection out of everybody else who serves or volunteers at the church, which has too often resulted in hurt feelings, which causes distancing, disappointment and frustration. If you want to find out more, the confession he began to give today (it will continue for a couple more weeks) is already at the CFAN website (www.churchforallnations.org). Select Multimedia and then the video or audio format. (I recommend video...)

God dealt with me on the issue of perfectionism not too long ago. He should deal with more of us in this regard. Excellence should of course always be a goal in anything we do, but human perfection is unachievable in this life. Pastor Wolfson has been given a very clear message from God that "grace, mercy, and forgiveness" should trump his chronic and unflattering desire for perfection -- every time.

In Charles Stanley's Life Principles Bible there are a couple of Life Principles that relate very well to this situation:

15. Brokenness if God's requirement for maximum usefulness.

7. The dark moments of your life will last only as long as is necessary for God to accomplish His purpose in you.

Pastor Wolfson was raised under very fortunate and blessed circumstances. His Jewish parents praised him as they raised him. He never heard one negative thing from them in his life, including when he was deep in the drug culture; they assured him he would not stay there because he was a mighty man of God and continued to assure him that he would triumph over any bad choices he made over the long haul. (Did they flip when he became a "Christian Jew"? Oy vey!)

He was also a professional child actor and had a wonderful career for eight years in that field.
He could do no wrong. His parents expected him to do no wrong. It drove him to distraction on the rare occasions when he -- or anyone else acting in or producing stage plays -- did anything "wrong" or differently than the way he envisioned that it "should" have been done. (He's really pretty funny when he explains this particular quirk...)

You know what? That's as far as I'm going with this. If you want to know more, I would prefer that he tell you himself. So logon to the website and listen in! NOW! I promise it is a word each of us needs to ponder in our own heart..

Pastor's current struggle should remove all doubt that Christians are immune from, and impervious to, dark nights of the soul. It is during our wilderness experiences that we learn to listen to and acknowledge our need for God the most. ("For whom God loves, He corrects.") We realize, when we're hurting or anxious, that we aren't the be-all and end-all of our own existence and that we require help.

I have no doubt that what happens as a result of Pastor's "summer of correction" will be wonderful, because he is being "pruned" and shaped more into the image of the Christ he loves and so desires to emulate with every fiber of his being.

God wants to embrace people and welcome them home with open arms the way the prodigal son was welcomed home in the Bible. God wants to put a signet ring on every repentant child's finger and throw them a huge welcome home party and restore their inheritance.

And that means that Pastor Wolfson's heavenly father is running toward him with open arms to restore him as I write this -- so that he can do what he does so well: help restore us, a congregation that will learn, by his example, to ask forgiveness the next time any of us knows we have screwed up big-time with people we love and serve.

It takes a big man to do what he did today, and will be doing for a couple more weeks at least.

Pray for Pastor Wolfson and praise the God who corrects and sets us back on track when we get too full of ourselves to notice where we are short-changing others!

7/7/07 ... An Amazing Twice in a Lifetime Number!

On the last 7/7/77 (August 7, 1977) I entered Sunrise Hospital in Las Vegas to have intestinal bypass surgery. Its result was life-changing. I traded in a super-sized body for life in a more-or-less normal-size body and began to live life again! In a few weeks I'll be back in Las Vegas, thirty years and one month later...

This being 7/7/07 (seven is the number of completion in the Bible), I have spent much of the day reading God's Word and praying. I even fasted until noon. I had planned to fast from 7:07 a.m. to 7:07 p.m. but ended up going to King's Manor to fulfill my promise to Della to come see her, and she had a ticket in her purse for a complimentary meal. There went my resolve! Eighteen hours of a fast is better than no fast at all, I reckon... (For a person with a passion for food, an eighteen hour fast is pert-near a miracle!)

I am at the tail end of -- let's call it "introspection week." It began to happen as I was reading the Bible this morning (even though I read it daily). This morning it was a sustained reading in Charles Stanley's Life Principals Bible that brought so much clarification, realization and peace. And two email pals told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was being too hard on myself -- trying to "earn" righteousness, perhaps, rather than understanding that righteousness is not earnable, but is a free gift of God in Christ Jesus. I "know" that intellectually, but emotionally I'm always trying to surprise and bless God as well, finding ways of acknowledging "I know You're out there constantly blessing me... Here's something unexpected for YOU!"

I'm at the stage of my relationship with God that I was at one point earlier on with De and Carolyn, I think: the point at which I was striving to "prove" to them my trustworthiness and my worthiness to be called a friend. (Did you know Jesus calls us His friends? I cried so hard when I learned that, and still do when we sing a particular song at church!) The pattern in both relationships is the same (that's because I'm the common denominator in both relationships, the "broken" one!). And in both cases, it was already a "done deal": it was the other party that fostered and prospered the relationship even while I was back-pedaling and wondering, "What's going on here? Why me? Are you sure?!"

As soon as I noticed the similarities this morning, I started to relax and smile at my bubble-headedness. I let so much water go under the bridge before I realized I was enjoying a real friendship with the Kelleys. I simply couldn't believe that they weren't "just being kind to a fan" for so many years. In fact, if De hadn't called me in to care for him during his last months, I would still, to this day, believe that the Kelleys were "just being kind to a fan," despite all the evidence to the contrary, which is so apparent (in retrospect) throughout my book. (I am one thick chick! See what a low sense of self-esteem can do to a person's paradigm?) But De kept telling everyone at the hospital and other places we went that I was their friend... and when I met the Kelleys' other friends, while Terry was researching her bio of De, they told me the Kelleys had always talked about me to them as being their friend...

There is something about the word friend that is almost sacred to me. I have lots and lots of acquaintances, but I'm not the kind of person who has a lot of friends. (My doing, not theirs.) I guess I don't trust people enough to allow many people to get that close to me. You would never know this to meet me -- I'm not anti-social or mean-spirited in the least, but I am a recovering wallflower, remember! I can act gregarious and super-social, but it's not native to me at all! Portraying "outgoing" is the only way I can survive, but it's stressful to me -- I get back home generally feeling exhausted! Three days in Vegas will knock me for a loop for a week. My employer will get back a limp dish rag -- but a very happy one! I'm always glad I agreed to appear at a convention (after it's all over!) -- proving to myself that I can (with God's help) face the fear/"ride that rollercoaster" and live to tell about it!

The word "friend" is akin to the word "family" to me. I view a really good friend as a family member God gave me belatedly when He realized what I still needed to experience in order to become a more complete personality. My few friends are precious gemstones whose many facets enhance life and bring light and joy into it. You know who you are. Some of you I haven't even met face-to-face yet, but will very soon in Vegas (Billie Rae, Alison) -- or somewhere else soon (in the case of Bobbie & Joel Bobstein)! I've spilled my guts to you and you have sustained me with your empathy, prayers and love. I trust you. That's a hard word for me to come by!

I feel much better tonight. I've discovered that with friends, with family, and with God you don't have to be perfect to be cherished, treasured and accepted. Love is just the best thing ever!

Joel Siegel's Book... Just What the Doctor Ordered...

I’m in the throes of reading Joel Siegel’s book to his son, Lessons for Dylan. I was in tears this morning reading the chapter, My Wife, Jane, about the wife he lost to brain cancer. Reading it helped me to grieve my own losses and to uncover my own regrets about how I handled the impending deaths of Mom and De.

Humorous people like Joel and me manage to keep tragic situations at arm’s length somehow . We use almost manic busy-ness and humor. It works for us and it usually works for the people in our care, making it a win-win strategy. Hospitals and cancer clinics prescribe regular and frequent doses of comedies and humor fare to patients who are going through health challenges.


The trouble comes when we, as a loved one’s caregiver, are so good at what we do (protecting everyone under an umbrella of humor and false “toughness”) that we dance all around the fact that we are losing someone we dearly love and don't want to lose -- someone who loves us in ways no one else on earth can. One of Siegel’s quotes – I’m sure it’s borrowed – is that it’s the things we didn’t do that we regret as we get older, far more than the things we did do.

I share some of his specific regrets, which is why the chapter had me in tears -- which I needed to cry because I feel much better now that I have. I regret that I stayed so “busy” being an ace assistant to my Mom and then to De that I didn’t actually “shut down” (stop producing) very often to look into their faces, to sit down and stop moving so I could gauge the situation from their perspective. The bald fact is that looking into their faces made me realize how sick they were, so I didn’t do it much. (Shy people don’t often look into people’s faces, anyway. It’s another of my undesirable bad habits. Whenever I do look into people’s faces, there’s always – always – a closer connection. There’s a blessing in every face.)

This is not to say that those times didn’t occur when I was fully present and completely available to them emotionally – you know these times did occur, if you’ve read my book. But I regret that I don’t think as many of them did as “should” have.

But if they had, would I have transferred my well-concealed anxiety to Mom and to De in the unhelpful (but unavoidable) way that their spouses did – inevitably making the dying patients feel worse than they had to, confronted visually and palpably with what their situation was doing to their loved ones? I don’t know. That’s precisely what I didn't want to happen in either case – I didn’t want to transfer my own raw emotions to them and give them something more to deal with than they were already dealing with.

So it’s a delicate balance. I don’t regret anything I did. My regrets lie in the fact that there may have been something more, or something better, I could have done to make their end times “better.”

This upcoming convention is dealing with me. They always do. It’s good for me to go through this, and it’s painful, too.

The appearance will be a piece of cake compared to this part of the process!

I will continue to read Joel’s book. He passed away last week and knew he would as he wrote the words that are in this book. That makes it even more riveting. This is what his young son will have to hold onto as he grows up – this book.

It is giving me great solace… lots of tears of recognition… and many, many wonderful belly laughs.

I hope my book about De does that for its readers. No author could hope for anything more.

I'm Down On Myself Tonight...

Yesterday I stayed home except for a trip to Aunt Tod to take her two additional fans and to go to Wal-Mart to buy some larger fans for my condo. I gave Tod my two smaller fans because she doesn’t have any room for larger fans. While I was there, she told me she lost her purse at dialysis the day before, so I drove over there. They had it, so I brought it back and asked her to go through it and be sure everything was still in it. I also asked the ladies at Maple Creek not to let her take her purse to dialysis anymore… She doesn't need it, she’s getting forgetful, and the next time she leaves it, there may be more dire consequences – like theft!

I had planned to go see Della Pittman at Kings Manor for lunch (where I was Activity Director for a time three years ago), because they had a Fourth of July barbecue and she invited me to come over and reconnect. I decided to back out on it belatedly because of the delay in getting home after finding and returning Tod's missing purse, so will have to make it up to Della this coming Saturday or Sunday.

I was beating myself up yesterday because I was frustrated (surreptitiously, I hope!) when I visited and worked (too fast) with Aunt Tod. I am seldom that way with her or anyone else, but truly didn’t want to stay long there, as I was expecting to go have lunch with Della -- until the absence of Tod’s purse became known to me and the lunch idea went out the window.

Della called at 12:30 wondering where I was, saying the barbecue was half over and she wondered why I hadn't stopped by as I had said I would. I told her I had just gotten back inside the condo after tracking down Tod’s purse and that a Californian friend who had lost her husband a few months back had called saying she was in town and hoped to meet with me that afternoon and would call back to set a time if she could meet with me, so I didn’t feel good about leaving the phone to drive over for the last few minutes of the barbecue.

So, in a nutshell, I frustrated both of the people I had planned to bless on the 4th of July and now I will need to make it up to Della on the day I planned to fast and pray (7/7/07 between 7:07 a.m. and 7:07 p.m.)

I felt lousy about the way the day went except for watching TBN and 1776 while I waited for a phone call that never came in. I made too many commitments and ended up pretty much blowing all of them in some way by getting out of sorts and out of time because of a missing purse. (A missing purse is a Big Deal, or probably all of the rest of the day's scheduled events would have fallen right into place as planned, but I was hot and late and upset by the time I found and returned the purse, so elected to lie low rather than go to Kings Manor in an agitated frame of mind. The big new fan was just what I needed and desired most at that moment.)


It’s when stuff like this happens that I get down on myself. My heart wants to bless – my spirit wants to bless – but the slightest bump in the road, combined with hot temperatures, makes all my good intentions evaporate like water on a hot griddle. I just want to isolate when I feel this way. I feel good-for-nothing.

But I was right to cancel for the reasons I did and to re-schedule with Della. I was wrong to make Aunt Tod feel (if she did) that she needed extraordinary help in any way. It was not a big deal to drive across the street to inquire after her purse and return it to her care. I didn’t intend to make her think she was inconveniencing me (if I did). I just didn’t stay and bless her afterward – I just placed two fans, went on a quest for her purse, brought it to her, and then left, with a peck on the cheek, knowing I was late for the next engagement. That wasn’t right; I gave a perfunctory blessing. I was hot and wanted to go home and bless me with a huge fan and a cool cleansing shower by that time! I was miserable physically and emotionally by that time.

This has taught me that I need to be in the present from now on and not rush. I need to slow down and keep firmly in my mind that NOW is the only time I have in which to be a blessing. This may all be over tomorrow. I have to forgive myself and remember not to do it again…

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I’m putting off the convention appearance practice, except for some editing of the presentation. I don’t know if that’s wise or dumb, but I just don’t want to worry it like a bone, as I have in the past. I know what I want to say… I will say it and read some excerpts and be done. Then I will enjoy the rest of the weekend without stress, just being with people who want to be with me. This convention is about blessing, not stressing…

The temperature will be breaking records in the West today. I am NOT looking forward to August in Las Vegas, let me tell you. If the power grid goes down, we will fry – or live in the bathtubs, naked!

Here I am borrowing trouble already. How stupid is that?!

What is causing this negative mood in me the past couple of days? Heat? (Likely, yes!) I’m sitting outside myself observing it and trying to figure out what it is that has me so snarled. I’m NOT depressed, I’m NOT angry, I’m not overly stressed. It’s just the weirdest thing ever!

Pastor Braaten was talking about how God looks down on us from above and sees where we were, are and will be all at once. Perhaps that idea has placed me “above” myself (via the Holy Spirit) so that I can witness the effects that my choices make on other people. I have always been so self-contained (I’ve called myself at times a functional autistic, and may not be far off) and self-absorbed/directed– not in the way a narcissist is, but in the way young children are totally absorbed in what they are doing. Their “play” is real to them… they really live the lives of the princesses and horses and cowboys and Indians they are imagining…

In the present world where I live (which is fallen and dangeous) I'm shy and reticent (fearful); but in the ideal (God's Kingdom) world (which is where I feel I serve as an employee, writer, presenter and Christian) -- I'm functional and fabulous because He adopted me and I take great delight in pulling out every stop I can think of to make Him grin and not rue the day that He invited me into His family and blessed me with His eternal, fabulous inheritance!

The bottom line is this: We are all loved by God

beyond our present abilities to compehend it

and should be out dancing like David danced

(but I pray with our clothes on, unlike dear King David)!

(See what you are missing

by not being familiar with the Bible?

You think the Bible is boring? HAH!)

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I got Joel Siegel's book for a dollar at Amazon, used. It's terrific. It's called Lessons for Dylan, from Father to Son. Every father and mother ought to write a book like it to their children, but alas, not every parent has the enormous talent with a pen as did Joel Siegel. I am thoroughly enjoying it... which is why I took me so long this evening to get to this otherwise-depressing blog!

Parents, write that book! You don't have to be Joel Siegel. Your book will be a bestseller on your family. MAKE IT SO!

Disquieting World Events -- Even Doctors Do It!

I'm very, very bothered by the recent events in the UK and Scotland -- even more so than usual when hearing about terror attacks and terror attempts. In the two most recent instances, it appears that medical doctors were the masterminds.

Jesus, Joseph and Mary...

If you can't trust people who are supposedly pledged by the Hippocratic Oath to "Do No Harm," I am here to tell you that the end times are here and that Jesus can come at any time now. (Are you ready? Have you given your life to Him yet? I implore, counsel and beg you to get on board -- this train is moving down the tracks and will arrive at the station without you as a passenger one day soon if you haven't acknowledged Him as Lord of life and Savior of your soul. I want you saved before the end comes. Desperately!)

The wickedness in this world apparently has no boundaries anymore... I am so far beyond appalled that I can't even find words to express it.

It's easy to lose faith in people in positions of power these days, isn't it?

The only thing we can have absolute faith in is God because men and women will always...always...always... disappoint us. There are no exceptions, except for Jesus, who was fully human and died for these miscreants who are intent on making life patently unfair and dangerous.

The Bible says to pray for those who spitefully use us. Okay, I'm praying -- but I'm not liking it.

Not one bit.

God is right, I'm wrong.

Always.

There are no exceptions.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

If my people, who are called by my name
Will humble themselves and pray
And seek my face,

turn from their wicked ways
Then I will hear from heaven
And will forgive their sin,

and will heal their land

2 Chronicles 7:14
--

The Pernicious English Language...

Those of us who speak English because we were born in English-speaking countries need to understand why people who speak it as a second language might have a little trouble getting it right... and extend some grace to them. To make my point, I offer the following, sent to me by a co-worker, Kelli. (Thanks, Kelli!) Consider these wonderful sentences... and the pronunciations of words that look identical:


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) He did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests on the subject.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

22) As a last resort, we had to resort the resort brochures.

English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither is there apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England and French Fries weren't invented in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It's amazing I can write as well as I do, considering all the vagaries of this lunatic language!

The above would intimidate the starch out of anyone contemplating learning English as a second language, wouldn't it! And yet every minute hundreds of people are learning English as a second or third or fourth language, proving that people are downright amazing when they set their minds to figuring things out! BRAVO!!!

Heart Palpitations... Patriotism... Convention Post Cards...

I almost passed out this morning sitting at my work desk. That hadn’t happened in a blue moon and was pretty disconcerting! My heart must have skipped several beats – like seven or eight seconds’ worth. Just about the time I thought, “I am going to pass out, for sure” (my optic nerve even quit firing and I couldn't see) – all came back on line as though nothing at all happened. My pulse was normal again and my finger pressure check was fine.

This doesn't happen often! The good news about it is that if this is the way I am slated to die (worst case scenario, I assure you!), it will be very peaceful! Except for the sensation of being about to black out and go unconscious, there is zero pain. There’s a little anxiety – what’s this?! am I going to come out of this sinking sensation or not? – but there is ZERO pain.

This happens to women infrequently post-menopause, I have read. It hasn’t happened to me in well over a year. I had forgotten how weird and unpredictable one’s heart can be… I've had it checked out numerous times and been told I have the heart muscle of an athlete, so it’s nothing to worry about.

I didn’t feel anxious about anything today (except for the upcoming convention appearance, a daily “consideration” with just a month and a few days left before I fly to Vegas). I feel very well emotionally and physically. I’m eating very healthily now, with all the fresh fruit and vegetables available just a couple blocks from my home at H&L Produce.

I won’t be going to Jackie’s for the 4th and have told her so already. She joked, “Don’t you love me?” (this is my SISTER) and I said, “Yes, I love you. I just don’t want to be up until midnight and fireworks are not my thing.” She said, “Everyone promises to go home by 9:30.” I said, “I promise not to come.” She laughed.

I just want to spend the 4th of July reading my Bible and perhaps watching TBN and Daystar. This country has been blessed by God even when we haven’t deserved or earned it in so many ways. (Although we have done a lot of good things, we have also done some awful things – among them, the genocide and sequestering of Native Americans who met the Europeans boats and helped us survive the first winters in North America; despoiling our nation and others with pollution and toxins, etc.). I want to spend time asking the Lord to forgive our many sins and to heal our land. I need to be quiet this year and meditate on the many good things about this country, too.

Last night on Daystar or TBN I watched a program about a WWII conscientious objector, Desmond Doss, who refused to carry a weapon and kill people, but who went into battle in Okinawa and dragged wounded men – 75 or more of them – to a sheer escarpment and then lowered them down by rope to medics waiting below as bullets flew everywhere around him. One Japanese soldier said he had Doss in his sights three or four times but each time he pulled the trigger, his rifle jammed. Doss just kept praying, “Dear God, let me get one more… one more… one more…” He survived the war as did many other soldiers who wouldn’t have except for him.

Then there was a program about the people on Flight 93 that crashed into a field in Pennsylvania during the Sept 11th attacks on America. Those people were the first people to “fight back” in the war on terror. As soon as they learned other planes were on suicide missions, they decided they had no choice but to try and take the plane back from the hijackers – and they did. The flight ended badly but not as badly as it would otherwise have: the plane was headed for the nation’s Capitol area – either another assault on the Pentagon or on the White House or on the Congress, investigators believe. Had those people not acted as they did, Sept 11th would have been an even greater tragedy than it was.

These are examples of pure heroism -- regular people taking charge of an ugly situation and finding ways to be a blessing in the middle of a hellish nightmare.

Our founding fathers were people of similar strength and commitment. The 4th of July is a monument to their bravery in pledging "our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor" in the cause of seeking independence from a tyrannical king. (All is forgiven, U.K!)

I will watch the musical 1776 during the afternoon on the 4th. I do that almost every year. It’s entertaining and written by a history teacher, so the story is sound and is very poignant at times. It’s a real keeper…

Gayle and I got the On-Hold Concepts post card readied this afternoon for the TREK convention. I wrote it and picked the graphic. Chuck, the owner of the business, will review it and let us know if he wants anything changed when we get back in the building tomorrow.

He already says he loves the graphic on front -- a transporter with unrecognizable people in the process of being beamed up. I got the graphic from Google images. Don't think it's copyrighted. When Chuck approves it, I will email it to my contact at CBS and be sure I have permission to use the transporter photo for the postcard... Don't want to get into copyright trouble with anyone! (I'm a writer myself -- I HONOR COPYRIGHTS!)

That's it for this time. It's 9:30, very warm still and I need to go to sleep in front of a fan.

Sunday

Pastor Braaten came to me this morning before he taught class to say he and Carol have been looking for the July-August STAR TREK Magazine but have been unable to find it. Almost on cue, Un Kwong returned the copy she borrowed last week! I passed it along to Pastor Braaten. He tried to pay for it, but I said no. He has been such a blessing the past year with his Bible classes every Sunday morning, I wanted to bless him in return in some small way.

I occasionally write him a note on a hand-made card too. He's a fabulous teacher, a mighty man of God for over 50 years who has nicknamed himself "God's dumb kid." I think he's in for a lovely big surprise when he gets to heaven and sees all the souls he mentored into a personal relationship with the Lord. I pray it will astonish him beyond his wildest hopes and prayers.

I think sometimes his students look like deer caught in headlights to him, but they keep coming back -- in fact, no one can stay away, he has such a wonderful way of explaining Jesus and God's Word to us -- and I think the "deer in headlights" among us stay because they know that if they listen long enough, and start to learn what Pastor knows about the ins and outs of Scripture, Pastor's love of God will "rub off" on them and they will take the risk to truly ask for a personal relationship with the Lord.

Asking the Lord for a personal relationship with Him is a scary prospect for so many of us. I'm still holding Him a wee bit at arm's length myself, even eight years after being personally invited into a relationship by Him: "You need to be baptized.." (You can read the story in my book Purposeful Christianity:Sharing the Verve and Value of the Prince of Peace)

I don't WANT to hold Him at arm's length, but trusting Someone completely who wields that much power is a scary idea. I am only now learning to consciously unclench almost congenitally clenched fists every time I notice them at the end of my arms. (There's a photo of me at age two or three looking entirely uncomfortable in Santa's lap, fists clenched tightly and face frozen...)

I know for an absolute fact that God has my best interests at heart because He loves me, but "whom the Lord loves, he corrects.." and I have been "corrected" by a number of people in positions of authority who have tortured my soul and spirit during the process...

I "know" intellectually that God loves me and sent his Son to reclaim me on the Cross; the knowledge alone can bring me to tears and often does... Still, that's a far cry from feeling confident that by surrendering entirely to Him I will not be hurt in some way. I know that if I surrender entirely I might have to renounce aspects of myself that keep me behind a wall of defenses in order to be of best use in His kingdom, and that would mean stepping out of my comfort zone and doing more than I am doing now as an evangelist... I'm comfortable enough evangelizing on paper (writing is well within my comfort zone; in fact, it's my passion!), but evangelizing from a stage or platform is much less native to me...

Gads, the TREK convention is about as "risky" a deal as I feel capable of undertaking, and I feel pretty confident that I know/knew De well enough to talk about him and bless someone in the process!

Someday I pray to know God well enough to be able to take a stage and bless someone the way Pastor Braaten does every Sunday... and if I'm going to do that capably, I need a closer relationship than I have now with God to keep from feeling like a fraud. Hence all the time I spend with my nose in the Bible! I love that book and the God Who "dictated" it and love will eventually "cast out" any residual fear I have inside. (I'm a lot closer every week to that goal.)

Nothing would make me happier than leading people to Christ... or at least sowing the seeds from which the Holy Spirit can generate a harvest.